


Weave the Moon into my soul (and there it shall remain)

by Raining_Sky_Guy



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Foreboding, Future Angst, Ichigo acting like a 15 y/o, M/M, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Romance, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Temporary Character Death, UraIchi Week 2018, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2019-05-15 23:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14800053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raining_Sky_Guy/pseuds/Raining_Sky_Guy
Summary: Ichigo knows he's the odd one out. That's why he's more resigned than surprised when he enters his teenage years without getting his soulmark. So when the mark finally appears, it unleashes a turmoil of emotions, hopes and despair.Because he had begun to think about someone, someone who might as well not be his soulmate and Ichigo begins to think if that doesn't hurt even more.He might have led a rebellion and uncovered a coup, but he was still just a fifteen year old human teenager with all the confusing baggage it entailed.





	1. Chapter 1

Soulmarks appeared at pivotal points in one’s life.

Either when a person discovered who they really were, or suffered enough to change their core personality.

It was no surprise to Isshin the first time their eldest child had come crying home, having just learned that he was the only one without a soulmark.

The boy was seven, and their family was still whole then. Masaki had smiled at their boy, calmed him down and assured them that sometimes people weren’t ready to be soulbound.

“It’s not a bad thing, Ichigo.” She had said with a smile. “Sometimes people change while they grow, and either you or your soulmate are growing to be the perfect match for each other, so there’s no rush. So cheer up.”

It’s eight years later, his wife is dead, his family is fragmented and Ichigo is a Shinigami.

Isshin would have expected him to have his soulmark then, but it’s not something older people talk about and it would be a cold day in Hell if reticent, emotionally-closed off Ichigo talked to him about that.

But the man had been half right.

In the heat of the moment, Ichigo had been too busy, too worried about having to save Rukia, about surviving this ungodly transformation and having to fight a new entity that prowled in his subconscious– having just become a Vizard and lived to tell the tale, to notice that finally his mark had appeared.

It wouldn’t be until after saving Rukia, after defeating half of Soul Society and after having being received by an extremely apologetic Kisuke that he would glimpse a curious tattoo on the man’s chest, barely peeking out from his clothes. It was red and black and before Ichigo can continue to observe it, Kisuke straightens, meeting his gaze.

Suddenly flustered, Ichigo looked away.

 

Back home, Ichigo hugged his sisters until even Yuzu protested, he ate the equivalent of a whole day’s worth of food in one sitting and passed out as soon as he reached his bed.

 

When he woke up, he tried to return to his old routine but before he could even finish getting dressed for school, he was brought out of his musings as he felt a slightly burning sensation on his right foot. Worried it was an injury he hadn’t even noticed, he hurried to take off his sock and when he twisted to be able to see it properly, he felt something in his chest tighten.

 

Black and red, an unfamiliar mark stared back at him.

Stark against his skin, his soulmark called for him. A moon and a sun stitched together, the black tendrils of the sun’s rays invading the crimson moon, both half shrouded in wispy clouds.

The tightness moved to his cheekbones before turning into a burning in his eyes.

He had a soulmate.

He wasn’t alone.

 

After he came down from his happiness high, he was already opening the bedroom to exit when it dawned on him.

Black and red.

…

No.

There was no way…

He forgot all about school as he careened out of his house, forgetting to even discard his body so he could shunpo his way over and simply dashing out.

 

* * *

 

 

He arrived at the shoten, slamming the sliding door open but froze at seeing Kisuke and Tessai and Yoruichi, all sitting down in front of the coffee table, looking at him with varying levels of interest.

The words, “do you have a soulmate?” died on his lips at that, and maybe it was a fortunate thing, because _what was he going to do after saying that, anyway?_

“Kurosaki-san, is there a problem?” Kisuke was the first to say, elegantly standing up and going to greet him.

Ichigo, elegant, astute Ichigo just continued panting by the doorway, a steady shade of red he hoped he could blame on his mad dash, unable to find the words.

Amusement tugged at Kisuke’s face. “Alright, it doesn’t seem to be life-threatening so, join me in the kitchen so I can offer you some water. You’re a little agitated.” A corner of his lips rose higher at the grumbling teenager. He closed the doors behind him and turned briefly to his two other friends. “I’ll be back shortly then.”

As Kisuke disappeared down the corridor with Ichigo trailing behind him, Yoruichi shouted teasingly, “Don’t burn anything!”

Kisuke shot her a dirty look, before he left with as much dignity as possible.

 

* * *

 

Ichigo had calmed down somewhat, but he still couldn’t form any coherent words nor did he know how to begin trying to breach the subject.

He’d stopped giving the subject of soulmates much thought after it became evident that he’d still need to wait for his bond to form (with the obvious, almost-crippling fear that maybe he _didn’t_ have a soulmate in the first place). He’d long since stopped fantasizing about the perfect person who he would spend his life with because it had begun to hurt. But…

But, he realized as he continued gulping down water to have something to do with his mouth as he discreetly stared at Kisuke. He really wouldn’t mind it being him.

He startled himself and almost choked on the last drops of water. Feeling his ears burning from embarrassment when Kisuke slanted a surprised stare his way, he coughed into his fist as he averted his gaze.

“You seem to be quite jumpy today, Kurosaki-san, I have to ask. Is there something troubling you?”

“Uh, I-“ Ichigo can’t figure out what to say fast enough. Because half of him is elated he has finally gotten his soulmark, and the other half is absolutely terrified that he’d blurt it out to someone that _wasn’t_ his soulmate. “I… I just… came to ask you a question?”

Kisuke arched an eyebrow. “What could possibly be such an urgent question?” His face closed off for one terrifying moment before he continued smiling amiably at him.

Ichigo could feel his heart hammering in his chest. “I know you probably have better things to do, but is there a chance you could train me again?” He bullshitted and then realized how happy that would actually make him. What was he, five?

Kisuke’s eyes widened at the unexpected request, and Ichigo is hurt and sure he will refuse but then his features eased again into fondness. “It’s not like I’m a highly coveted instructor, Kurosaki-san. There was no need to run, although your excitement is understandable given who I am.” He added, pompously enough, but Ichigo was just glad he got a new excuse to hang out with him.

Now if only…

(Kisuke was sure he saw wrong, but for one moment he would swear he could see Kurosaki looking at him with an expression of longing.)

“Right then. Uh. You’ll give me a call?” Ichigo’s face gained a bizarre puzzled expression. Which he directed at Kisuke, “do you even own a phone?”

The blond man chuckled softly. “As a matter of fact I do. Although why don’t we set an appointment hour right now? That way I can schedule everything better. Are you looking for daily training?” He made a pause for the teen to nod his head before continuing. “Alright, then you have morning classes? It could be either at dawn or before dusk, what do you prefer?”

“Uh. Dusk. I’ll probably be too tired to attend school if it’s in the morning.”

Kisuke nodded, “Sensible decision.”

Ichigo shifted his weight from one foot to another, wondering if there was no way of extending the conversation. Trying to snuffle those obnoxious thoughts, he looked at the ground. “Right. So… do we start tomorrow or when’s suitable for you?”

Kisuke looked away briefly over to where his friends were. “Yes, I think tomorrow I’ll be available.”

Ichigo was just slightly distracted as his eyes darted briefly to the man’s chest, disappointment bubbling inside at only seeing unblemished skin. But there was still a chance it could be hidden under the folds of his clothes. There still was hope.

 

* * *

 

Back at his home, Ichigo would lay on his bed, back pressed against the mattress as he stared blankly at the ceiling, his arm covering part of his face.

He felt oddly drained.

Having _finally_ gotten his soulmark had made him so giddy, so excited and happy that it had swept him off his feet.

Alongside with the emotional turmoil of _had he already met them? How were they like?_ And then of course, _Was it him?_

Ichigo sighed. He didn’t know why he had gotten so excited before. There was no certainty, there was nothing that told him that Kisuke was his soulmate. For all he knew he could have caught a glimpse of an actual tattoo or of _who knew what else could that man have._

He was getting his hopes up for something that probably wasn’t even real.

Why Urahara though?

Why that sketchy asshole?

If his soulmate wasn’t him then what? What were these feelings?

Had he been so happy because he thought it was Urahara or just because he was that elated he had finally –maybe– found his soulmate?

Thoughts swirling in his mind wildly, the teen succumbed to a fitful sleep.

Chapter one end


	2. Chapter 2

 

That first afternoon almost made Ichigo want to jump off the closest bridge. But that wasn’t a big enough deterrent to stop him from standing awkwardly outside the shoten the next morning. He wondered if he should knock, if this was even a good idea or if he should just bail and forget everything.

(Although with Aizen looming in the distance, that really wasn’t an option. Not if he wanted to live.)

Before Ichigo could sigh one last time, the doors slid open and a bemused Kisuke flapped his paper fan open. “Well, when were you planning on coming in, Kurosaki-san?”

“I-well, it’s not like you have a door bell!” Ichigo shot back, dignified as he hurried inside. He shoved the shopkeeper out of the way and headed to the underground training room before the other man could even close the front door.

Ichigo pressed his Shinigami badge to his chest, dropped his body to the side and jumped down the trapdoor, landing lightly on his feet, several meters down.

“Raring to go, Kurosaki-san?” Urahara called from the other floor, before he too descended with a well calculated jump. He twirled his cane around like a showman and before Ichigo had time to react, Benihime was in his hands, edge dangerous and reflective of its owner’s similar eyes. “Ready to go?”

Ichigo had thought the man would have at least some mercy on their first spar.

He was wrong.

 

* * *

 

Ichigo was panting hard, struggling to get some breath into his lungs as a smiling Kisuke clip-clopped his way to him, a jug of water and a glass dancing on a tray on his hands. The teen resolutely ignored the infuriating man, but still accepted the water with some prodding.

“Did you think I would take it easy on you for being our first spar in a while?”

Kurosaki scowled at him over the rim of his cup.

Kisuke took it in stride, hat in place and goofy smile not revealing anything. “You may be my favorite apprentice but I’m afraid I’m not one to go easy on people.”

Ichigo sighed, drained his cup, placed it back on the tray and deadpanned. “You trained me for roughly ten days and then had me heading a rebellion against a whole military. I _know_ you don’t go easy on people.”

The surprise actually wiped off his smile before Kisuke gathered his bearings. He didn’t speak for a moment too long and Ichigo noticed. The teen rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you still feel guilty over that? It’s water under the bridge, forget it already.”

“Yes, well, I wouldn’t have done it if I hadn’t had such faith in you, Kurosaki-san!” Kisuke recovered himself, flapping his paper fan open. Ichigo looked mildly disgruntled for some reason.

“Well you better keep it that way.” He replied with a slight scowl in place. “I’d rather doubt other people would have survived if they had been forced into my situation.”

“You sound rather cocky.” Kisuke commented blandly, but then nodded briefly as if accepting the jab.

“Hey, I survived. I have the right to brag to you at the very least.”

“Well, then. Congratulations on not dying, Kurosaki-san.” He cocked his head in such a way that his eyes would be visible under his hat and his smile widened when Ichigo was obviously flustered and pleased at equal parts.

Ichigo finally opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by a jaw-breaking yawn.

“My! I forgot it’s sleeping time for the younglings already!” The shopkeeper couldn’t help but say and Ichigo shot him the appropriate sulky glare. When Ichigo had to suppress yet another yawn, his smile softened. “Today’s training is over anyway; Kurosaki-san. You should get back home already.”

Ichigo hesitated briefly, realizing he had actually forgotten to look for the mark he had thought he had seen –although to be fair, there wasn’t much room for thinking when you had Kisuke as your opponent, spar or not.

Kisuke of course, having no clue as to Ichigo’s inner turmoil, simply arched an eyebrow. “Would you like to come back tomorrow for another spar?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Ichigo immediately scoffed and cleared his throat, embarrassed by the vigor he had answered with. “I mean, yeah. Cool, okay.”

Kisuke either didn’t notice or didn’t care, but he didn’t react on Ichigo’s bumbling words. “Alright then, see you tomorrow.”

They headed back upstairs, Ichigo retrieved his body and with a last glance back he was off.

 

* * *

 

 

Ichigo was sore, sleepy and disgruntled all day, but dutifully headed over to Kisuke’s when he was done with his homework– calling out to Yuzu and Karin before locking the door.

He was at the door, but before he can shout out or knock, the doors slid open and an even more disgruntled Jinta stared back at him grouchily. “What do you want?”

“I came by to see Kisuke. For training.” He felt like he had to clarify. But probably it had only sounded weird to his own ears. He shifted the weight of his body on one foot and then the other when still the obnoxious boy wouldn’t let him in.

“He’s not here.” Jinta said smugly. It honestly threw Ichigo off.

Hadn’t they agreed on training today?

“Where is he?”

“Dunno,” the brat began poking his nose, clearly bent on not being at all useful. Ichigo scowled on reflex and then he caught a soft and recognizable walk approaching. Ichigo scowled harder at the brat and hit him over the head the moment Kisuke appeared in sight.

“Jinta-kun, who was at the door-? Ah, Kurosaki-san, what are you doing there, come on in!” And Ichigo is just miserably happy as he walked past Jinta and followed the man down to the training room.

“My, you look horrible, Kurosaki-san!” Kisuke commented with a happy wave of his fan as he watched Ichigo rub at his eyes irritably.

Ichigo flipped him off and hoped he’d go easy on him because of that.

He really should begin to resign himself that he’ll be wrong whenever it involved the lousy shopkeeper.

 

Like that the days kept passing, Ichigo quickly getting used to the intensity of their spars and just added it to his daily routine like it was nothing. He liked the fact that he was getting stronger but he couldn’t help but bemoan the fact that he still hadn’t managed to glimpse the shopkeeper’s chest.

That … just kept sounding worse every time he thought about it.

 

* * *

 

 

Ichigo was curled up in his bed, deep in the night, unable to sleep. What if he had been mistaken? What if that thing on his foot wasn’t a soul mark?

What if his soul had been tainted by the hollow and now he would never find his soulmate?

The thought doesn’t abandon him as the night gave way to the day and he just went through it without any real effort, which only served the purpose of getting increasingly restless.

He tried telling himself to stop because he’d never really thought about having a soulmate, he had already told himself he had come to terms that he would remain unbound and that he should not be feeling so fucking down because he’d gotten his hopes up again and-

“Kurosaki-san?”

Ichigo blinked and then almost flinched as he noticed that the blond shopkeeper was way too close for comfort. Ichigo blinked again as he realized that, _right_ , it was afternoon already and he had his evening spar with Urahara and _god he was such an idiot_ , wasting Urahara’s time because Ichigo decided it was a good moment to zone out and-

“Kurosaki-san.” Urahara repeated, thankfully interrupting his train of thought again. Ichigo is about ready to start apologizing, but the shopkeeper lifted a hand to his shoulder (Ichigo almost flinched and he was so thankful he didn’t). “I think you should go home today. We can resume our training tomorrow.”

For one terrifying second, Ichigo doesn’t understand farther than ‘ _go away_ ’ and he pulled such a face that Urahara actually looked alarmed. Ichigo immediately fixed his scowl. He was about to say something incredibly rude and then disappear when Urahara smiled at him, raising the hand from his shoulder to tousle his hair.

“I am not turning you away, Kurosaki-san. There seems to be something weighing on your mind, so I think you should figure that out, unless you want to be impaled by Benihime as soon as we begin training. Besides, you’ve been keeping up splendidly, one day of rest surely won’t hurt.” His smile widened slightly and Ichigo just hates the way he’s so vulnerable and how much impact Kisuke’s words have despite the fact that the there was no evidence that the shopkeeper _was_ his soulmate.

If he even had a soulmate.

He broke out of his increasingly depressing thoughts again as Urahara hummed, eyes scanning his features. Ichigo did take an involuntary step back this time.

“Is everything quite alright, Kurosaki-san?”

Ichigo gulped and didn’t meet his eyes. “Peachy.”

Urahara stared some more, before giving Ichigo some space. “Well, I hope it’s nothing too severe. But if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to come look for me.”

Ichigo didn’t notice himself smiling wanly. “Sure thing.” He lied. He didn’t notice either how storm-colored eyes sharpened, as they gauged his expression.

There was a small silence.

“So,” Urahara cleared his throat. “Do you think you can come back tomorrow?”

Ichigo just nodded, not trusting his voice.

“It’s alright if you need more time, Kurosaki-san. Whatever it is, surely must be troubling you greatly.”

“It’s nothing serious,” Ichigo said, shrugging with one shoulder to try to take weight off the subject. “Just some silly thoughts that have begun bothering me.” He was startled when Urahara’s face turned to cold stone. “U-Urahara-san?”

“I know I’m not anyone to say this, but if you have any concerns over the upcoming fight, you can tell me. Or even, talk it to someone you do trust, otherwise those thoughts will become poisonous. I don’t want you thinking the worst-case scenarios when that won’t happen.”

Ichigo was at a loss of words for a moment.

“What are you talking about?”

Kisuke blinked back, just as surprised before Ichigo looked to the floor, utterly mortified. “I should be worried about that. But the things on my mind are a thousand times pettier. And ridiculous.”

“Well I somehow doubt it, but I’m glad to see that a measly war is not enough to keep you up at night.” Urahara said, with a hint of that awful humor of his in his voice. The smile faded as he cast his gaze down as well. “The offer is still open, for whatever you need.”

Despite himself, a real smile curved Ichigo’s lips. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” He rubbed his neck, as he continued avoiding his eyes. “But it’s really nothing, I’ll try to get it sorted out before tomorrow comes.”

“Take your time, Kurosaki-san!”

 

* * *

 

 

Urahara took one look at the bags under the teen’s eyes and sighed. “Kurosaki-san, how are you this fine evening?” He ushered him in anyway, and the boy trailed after him like a lost duckling.

“I’m fine.” Ichigo mumbled, still quiet and subdued and probably there just by inertia. “Um, how about you?”

Urahara looked back over his shoulder to smile at him, “I’m actually quite a bit hungry! Would you care to join me for a snack before our spar?”

Ichigo blinked at him, confused by this weird request, but nodded readily. “Well sure, but don’t you prefer I come by later? I am the one imposing so-“

“Nonsense! I’m sure there’s enough for you too!” Urahara interrupted him, still with way too much cheer for just having dinner and Ichigo reluctantly smiled for a couple seconds.

“That’s not what I meant, but whatever.”

 

Urahara didn’t have food apparently. Which didn’t seem to be a deterrent for him to have a late snack as he ordered a pizza while brewing some tea. It’s weird enough that Ichigo snapped out of his funk to realize that the shopkeeper was refusing to spar until he got whatever he was worrying about sorted out.

He was so pathetic even the sketchy shopkeeper was taking pity on him.

“Kurosaki-san?” The tone of voice was too surprised for comfort and Ichigo didn’t know if it was more humiliating or surprising that Urahara had been paying attention to his facial expressions. “Did you not want pepperoni pizza?”

Ichigo looked at him, surprise relaxing his face and he was all too aware of the way Urahara smiled again at him once he had relaxed. The young teen fumbled with his words. “No, it’s alright, I like pepperoni.”

“That’s good then.” Urahara said, placing the teapot on the table Ichigo was sitting by. Still smiling amiably, Ichigo can feel his sharp gaze on him as he asked, “well then, Kurosaki-san have you been able to solve your problem?”

Ichigo looked away. “Not really.”

“Have you asked for help?”

Ichigo scowled and replied without thinking, “it’s not like anyone could help out with this.” Which apparently was all the former captain needed in his mental puzzle if the way his face lightened up was anything to go by. He squinted at him, suspiciously. “What? What have you figured out now?”

“My, Kurosaki-san, we’re sharp today, aren’t we?” Urahara replied with another goofy grin. It becomes more genuine as he looked back at him. “I am assuming it is matters of the heart.”

Ichigo was expecting it, but he still grumbled and looked away, feeling embarrassed because who the hell said ‘ _matters of the heart’_ with a straight face?

“Well, you’re right that nobody can really give you a clear answer, and I’m certainly the last person to give advice on this topic, but whoever it is that has caught your fancy, or even has had the fortune of being your soulmate can be nothing but elated at having you as their partner.” Urahara has _the gall_ to say, looking at him like nothing more than a mentor, even as his steel eyes softened maybe a bit more than before. Ichigo was too concerned with trying not to blush to give him a coherent reply or hit him as he probably should have done.

So instead, he does the next best thing he can think of which is use his propped arm on the table as cushion for his head as an excuse to hide his face away from the shopkeeper. There is a small bout of silence which didn’t quite settle with Ichigo’s grumbling.

It was infuriating and embarrassing but still a small curl of warmth blossomed in his chest. “You really mean it? You think they’d be satisfied with having me?”

Urahara hummed and repeated, “they would be ecstatic, no doubt.”

Ichigo smiled to himself, even as confusion filled his heart.

Would he still be feeling like this when it turned out that the stupid shopkeeper was not his soulmate?

 

* * *

 

When he finally left the shop, it was without having sparred, with his belly full of pizza and his heart full of new hope.

Even if Urahara was not his soulmate, there was a chance Ichigo would find someone else who accepted him for who he was.

He just hoped that this someone didn’t take long.

(He really had not been thinking about the upcoming war, but whoever his soulmate was, he hoped he could at least get to know them before the war. Somehow, he wasn’t hoping on living past Aizen.)

* * *

 

Chapter two end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because, apparently, I still have no self control.  
> This story is heavy on Ichigo's insecurities, because no matter what he says, he's just fifteen and has spent most of those years thinking he was unworthy of love.  
> Don't forget to drop a comment!  
> (Will be replying to all of you once the weekend comes 'round, I'm dying over here)


	3. Chapter 3

As it turns out, Ichigo had really needed to just sit down and talk with someone about something other than the war. He hadn’t been really talking to his human friends, wanting to keep them as safe as possible and whenever he got together with Ishida or Chad, it was always to make dark jokes or abstract strategies about the upcoming fight.

They were all nervous and, hell, they were scared but somehow the prospective of finally having a soulmate that probably wouldn’t hate him made his smiles come easier. They were still scarce and far in between so he reserved them for his sisters, but still. At least they were there.

Ishida had been training under his old man, Chad and Inoue had found their own place among the Vizards and Ichigo confessed he had been training under Urahara. For some reason this came as no surprise to his friends and just Chad quietly reminded him that he too should go over the Vizards some other time to keep up with his hollow training.

Ichigo agrees, nods and then never followed through. Instead, he spends all of his free time, when he’s not in school or being beaten to a pulp by Urahara, wandering the streets of Karakura. He memorized his own soulmark and squinted and scowled at everyone he came across, hoping to find its mirror.

He doesn't find them. Of course not.

He’s not exactly surprised, given that his own mark is in his forsaken foot, but he sort of hoped his soulmate wouldn’t be such a big anomaly as Ichigo himself. Although truth be told, just by being Ichigo’s soulmate this person already was a big enough anomaly.

He had entertained the thought that his soulmate was a shinigami, but there was a big pile of nothing he could do if that was the case, short of convincing Urahara that he had urgent matters to attend to in Soul Society.

But to be honest, the only person who he had felt such a deep connection was with Rukia, who was already happily bonded with quiet but energetic Shuuhei Hisagi. It had struck him as weird, and had probably made him a bit jealous but when he had actually seen them interact and watching Shuuhei matching her tit for tat, acting as the voice of reason for intrepid, foolhardy Rukia, he had been both proud and a little relieved. He hoped that his own soulbond would be similar.

So he’d stick with the Human World for now. And if he didn’t find them before Aizen came to rain hell on them…

Well, he’d probably be very much dead so it’s not like he would care much.

 

* * *

 

It’s during one of his broody walks that he jumped out of his skin as the black cat that had been curled up atop a trashcan suddenly locked golden eyes with him and said, “Hey there, Ichigo.”

Ichigo cursed under his breath and then looked around him to make sure nobody had seen them. He scowled at the cat. “What are you doing here, Yoruichi-san?”

Yoruichi in cat form stretched lazily, yawning in true cat fashion. “Just out for a stroll, I would ask the same to you, boy.”

Ichigo rolled his shoulders, “just here to distract myself.”

“Well then,” without further warning, she jumped on his shoulder, diggings claws into his flesh to keep her balance. “We could both benefit with some company.”

Ichigo continued cursing colorfully, not having been expecting it, but when the claws released him, he just threw the cat a sullen scowl before just walking on unmindful of the extra stares he was receiving.

 She was a warm weight on his shoulder.

“Kisuke sent me to tell you that some shinigamis will be dispatched shortly to the Human World. All friends of yours, probably.” She said after a while of comfortable silence.

Ichigo had to ignore the sudden twist in his gut because Rukia hadn’t been the one to tell him, but he decided to push it away.  “Is that so? Will they be staying at the shop?”

“It hasn’t been decided, but it’s likely.” She said with her gruff voice. Her tail flicked behind her as she stared intently into the young boy’s face. Kisuke had been right, there was something off about him but it’s not like he did anything dangerous in his walks. “But you will still get your daily spars, no matter what. Although I recommend you also alternate sparring partners, now that your friends will be here as well.”

She noticed the way a small smile made its way to his face but didn’t comment on it. Instead, she let herself flop down on his shoulder like a weird pelt as he walked aimlessly down the road. For someone who liked keeping to himself, Yoruichi noticed that he kept walking into busy districts, staring at everyone he came across.

He didn’t approach them or say anything, but at some point the catwoman had to ask, “Are you looking for someone?”

The kid actually jumped in place, spluttering out a “ _no!”_

So the question that needed to be answered was _who_. Yoruichi noticed his eyes on her and while grumbling under his breath and sporting a bigger scowl, the teen turned on his heels and started heading home.

Yoruichi was silent for the whole way back and just bade the kid farewell when they reached his home.

For her it was something obvious, having gone through pretty much the same at some point. But it’s not something she can or would tattle to anyone else. After all, looking for someone’s soulmate was private and should be a happy experience.

Since it didn’t seem like it would be a happy one judging by the boy’s sour face, at least it should remain private.

 

* * *

 

The next morning Ichigo woke up to see a midget in his room. He blinked and rubbed his eyes but the mirage did not disappear. He got out of bed, still staring at the short woman standing at his door and had all the air in his body rudely expulsed as the midget dove for him and hugged him without mercy.

“Surprise!” Rukia exclaimed, as if she was not viciously crushing his ribs. She let him go to study his face up close and her smile dimmed slightly. “You don’t look so well.”

Ichigo plastered his scowl back on as he pushed her face away. Ignoring her indignant squawk, he said, “well, seeing as how I’ve been awake for less than a minute and you didn’t even have the decency to knock I wonder the fuck why.” He huffed, letting himself fall back on his bed, “Also, everyone apparently knew you were coming except for me.”

Rukia looked horrified for a second even though Ichigo had tried going for nonchalant, “I just wanted to surprise you! I never intended to make you feel like-!”

“I never said I felt anything-!” Ichigo was quick to interrupt, feeling his cheeks heating up at being exposed.

“Even _so_ ,” Rukia persisted. “I should have planned it better, of course you would have been told. Hisagi told me, but I just-“

“Rukia. Rukia, it’s alright, calm down.” Ichigo tried saying, but the woman seemed unstoppable.

“- _knew_ you would have heard something, and probably wondered why I didn’t say anything and-“ Ichigo wasn’t too sure how to stop her rambling so he grabbed both of her arms. He stared directly into her eyes and that quieted her enough for him to say.

“Look, it wasn’t your fault. I’m just glad to have you back.” He said, even if it was a little embarrassing to say, the way Rukia finally smiled was totally worth it.

“Does that mean I can stay here with your family?”

“It’d be insulting if you didn’t. Hisagi can stay too, he’s quiet. Yuzu likes him.” Ichigo said and the matter was settled.

 

* * *

 

Even though the circumstances were even worse than before, Ichigo could appreciate how Rukia’s –and now Hisagi’s too– presence changed his entire house. His siblings were elated to have another girl in the house, and his father controlled himself just a little bit more in the presence of a guest. And while Shinigami in general were completely clueless with anything related to household, Hisagi had taken to learning from Yuzu and helped around the house whenever he had time, and sometimes walked Karin to practice if Ichigo was busy.

He had really hit it off with Hisagi as well, being the opposite of most of his friends in Soul Society –which were loud, bullheaded and generally obnoxious when they wanted to be. Hisagi liked his space and respected Ichigo’s.

Sometimes Hisagi would brew tea and Ichigo would sit at the table with him and share a moment of quiet companionship. Others, Ichigo would invite him to the library and while he did homework, Hisagi perused the Human catalogue.

But still, nothing could beat Rukia’s brutal honesty and the bond they shared, soulmates or not.

 

It was late at night, and Rukia for some reason still preferred sleeping in his closet. Ichigo knew it was late, but for some reason he couldn’t fall asleep.

He knew perfectly well why.

“Rukia.” Ichigo said out of nowhere, addressing his darkened ceiling. From her spot in his closet, he knew she was listening. “How… Is seeing the other’s soulmark the only way one can find their soulmate?” He asked in a near whisper.

Rukia shifted in her place, as she whispered back. “it doesn’t always have to be like that. Sometimes it’s just obvious, you look into their eyes and you just _know_.” She pressed a hand against her own mark on her shoulder, a full moon enveloped in a whirlwind of equally white feathers. “You get to know them, and then you reveal your soulmarks. Others, like Renji, have their marks on easily displayed parts of the body, so all his soulmate has to do is be able to see them. It varies, depending on the person.”

“Oh.”

For a long moment, the only sound in the room is his ticking clock. Then there’s some more shifting as Rukia moved in her tiny bed. “Ichigo,” she began and the boy held his breath. “Are you trying to find your soulmate?”

This is not something one usually asked, as it was something extremely private, but it was Rukia who was asking. And it was Ichigo who was being asked. The bond they shared might not be as tangible but they were almost like family. Even Hisagi had wormed his way into his life by proxy.

It was Rukia who was asking and there’s nothing he wouldn’t tell her. “I am. My soulmark appeared not long ago and I just… I want to meet them.”

“You will, Ichigo. I’m sure of it.” She continued moving, as she slowly stood up. “It’s not usual, but if you think there’s a chance that your soulmate is a shinigami, I’ll personally escort you there so you can look for them!”

“…Thank you.” Ichigo whispered back, voice still soft and unsure and made Rukia understand that there was so much more he wasn’t telling her.

Some things she could guess, but others she couldn’t even begin to understand. “Ichigo,” she promised anyway. “You’ll find them.”

Ichigo was scared, but her conviction still managed to make him smile and agree.

 

* * *

 

The following days make him feel like Hisagi and Rukia had made the decision to adopt him, but he’s not entirely against it. Renji arrives next with his brash and bold behavior and Ichigo’s insecurities are all but forgotten.

He still fought and lost to Kisuke on a daily basis, but he began also meditating with Hisagi and Hitsugaya early in the mornings to increase his connection with Zangetsu and after school he and Chad would head over to the shoten and they’d rotate fighting partners.

Urahara might have been the strongest among them, but Ichigo wanted to practice against another bankai, which was something that the shopkeeper insisted was not possible with his own.

“Besides,” Urahara sing-songed as he sealed Benihime again. He sported a big gash on his arm, but it was still Ichigo who was collapsed on his back, having been fighting for about four hours, basically non-stop. “You have yet to beat me in my shikai.”

Ichigo gasped for breath like a landed fish, but still nailed the scowl this comment deserved. “Don’t… be so cocky… one of these days…”

“Yes, yes.” Urahara said with a smile. “I can’t wait.”

 

* * *

 

Ichigo still hadn’t found his soulmate and it was driving him insane as the days went by. Despite what Rukia had told him, he wasn’t sure if the shopkeeper could be his soulmate and he wasn’t sure he wanted to figure it out. He didn’t dare hope.

It wouldn’t be the first time he had a crush on someone who was already soulbound.

And worst of all, he couldn’t brood alone in peace.

Hisagi took one look at his uniform-less self at breakfast before he dragged the teen away to a concert he had somehow gotten tickets for.

Ichigo squinted at him suspiciously over his omelet, but Hisagi only shrugged and said that if Ichigo wasn’t going to school anyway, they should at least enjoy the day.

“Shouldn’t we be training?” He rebuked. Hisagi finished his own breakfast and headed for the sink to wash his own dishes.

“You’re fifteen. You should be wasting time like a good rebel boy.” The older man stated with a crooked grin aimed at him. His features darkened slightly. “Knowing when to take a break is also part of growing stronger. And besides, you are the one who has been training the hardest out of all.”

“Well, I can’t be called the strongest if I don’t keep up. Despite the power difference being all too obvious.” Ichigo said with good humor. Hisagi rolled his eyes and proceeded to headlock him with soapy hands for being such a smartass.

“You cocky brat.” Hisagi said, still as playful. “I see I have to beat up your ass to make you see sense.”

 

When Ichigo finally laughed, Hisagi considered it a successful day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some fluffy platonic relationships. I have no idea where Hisagi popped from but? I'm sort of shipping it? Still not sure if they're going to be platonic, but enjoy their relationship as pseudo mom friends.  
> Don't forget to drop a comment!  
> (Big reveals approaching!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ufff  
> finally!  
> At long last, they have finally come around! But it's not the end yet. It's barely the beginning!  
> Also, they might be ace? Dunno, neither wanted to kiss at the end. I can roll with that.
> 
> Please, I'd be delighted to hear your complaints!

Ichigo finally got used to the new dynamics, and the arduous training and _finally_ he was not the only one bruised and battered after his fights with the devious shopkeeper.

Slowly but surely, he began pushing and pushing until Urahara had to seal his arms to take a breather, or had to call it a tie and Ichigo actually forgets he might be his soulmate, and he just focuses on the fact that he’s another step closer to beating him.

 

It’s one of these days, when they have Urahara’s underground training grounds all to themselves, their fight having extended well into the night when his newly acquired peace is utterly and irreversibly shattered.

 

Kisuke was panting on the ground, minor slashes all over his body –Ichigo felt proud at seeing that. But he got distracted again, his eyes drawn to the mocking blankness of his chest.

Ichigo’s breath hitched on his throat. Kisuke’s robes were torn, and with only the smallest bit of help they’d leave Urahara’s right side uncovered. And he’d finally know.

 

“Am I that ravishing?” Urahara said coyly, rolling to the side, hand on his hips.

Ichigo is already red, spluttering and denying when at last, the clothes give way to gravity and they fall to reveal more white skin…

And a black sun tangled with a half moon, both half covered in clouds.

Ichigo doesn’t know what expression he’s making but Kisuke immediately pulls his clothes up, hurrying to his feet and directing a suspicious look his way.

“Kurosaki-san?” Urahara asked, posture hunched like a cornered animal.

Ichigo doesn’t have the presence of mind to notice, he’s too overwhelmed by everything going on and if he doesn’t control himself he’s going to start crying that instant.

He inhaled abruptly, and the sound that came out was a pathetic mix between a whine and a whimper. Urahara flinched as if he’d wanted to draw closer or sprint away.

“Kurosaki-san, are you alright?”

“I- I-“ Ichigo didn’t have the words for the whirlwind of emotions inside him at the moment. He was excited, he was overjoyed but also… _what if Urahara didn’t want him?_

 

He didn’t know if he could handle having his soulmate rejecting him.

 

“I don’t know how to put this.” Ichigo laughed nervously, falling into his default mode of bulldozing through any situation or problem. He looked down, rolled his shoulders then looked back up. “I think… I think you’re my soulmate.”

The word felt weird on his lips, like made out of glass and too fragile to let go of but then he watched Kisuke’s face go from confusion, to surprise, to astonishment, fleeting through horror and disbelief briefly before it settled into a pale astounded Kisuke staring at him as if he was unreal.

Ichigo shrunk into himself a little, not sure how to interpret that.

When he looked back up, his heart jumped into his throat as Kisuke managed a bland fake smile. “My, are you sure you’re not mistaken?”

Having been so wound up for so long, all Ichigo managed to do was swing his left hook and knocked the other clean off his feet.

 

Ichigo was panting hard, face burning, and Urahara managed to sit up, slack-jawed and confused, “Kurosaki-san-?”

“I- I don’t want you to play games with me. You… you heard what I said.” Ichigo then lost his strength as he shrunk in on himself. “Or… do you already have a soulmate?”

Urahara was tempted to say yes. Because he’s that much of a coward. His face betrayed his distress at seeing Ichigo unsure of what to do with himself, posture stiff and awkward and looking at everywhere but at Kisuke, an expression of growing horror on his face.

“No. I don’t.” He said even if just to appease _his student_. When he saw Ichigo brighten he felt he had to add. “But I really don’t think… maybe you saw wrong?”

“You’re not able to see other people’s soulmarks.” Ichigo rebuked him, words as fast and as biting as a whip.

Urahara had it on the tip of his tongue. _You’re an anomaly, maybe you’re different_. But he refrained. Instead he just said, “then show it to me. I…” He trailed off.

Ichigo sat down so abruptly it was like he had been struck down. This startled Kisuke and he just watched in expectation and horror as the teen hurriedly undid his right shoe, almost hitting Kisuke’s face as he kicked his shoe off and his hands were trembling when he removed his sock and then proceeded to shove his foot Kisuke’s way.

There, on the ball of his foot, a black sun encompassing a sliver of a half red moon, both half hidden by clouds greeted Kisuke’s sight.

Not believing his eyes, Kisuke reached for the appendage, gazing in astonishment the very familiar mark. Even so-

He hurriedly uncovered his chest with his free hand, as if to make sure, as if to- He looked back up, to the waiting Ichigo.

“Well?” The teen asks.

Kisuke couldn’t work any words beyond his shock at first. When he finally got his vocal chords working again, the words slipped out,

“I’m so sorry.”

Ichigo proceeded to use his foot to kick Kisuke in the face.

 

 

* * *

 

There was a thick silence in the underground training area. Ichigo was sitting close to the exit, legs crossed, back straight and ignoring Kisuke.

The blond man on the other side, was till where he had been kicked and punched, nose swollen but no longer bleeding. He still couldn’t help the thought that…

This was all one big mistake.

Because there’s no way loyal, young and impressionable Ichigo could have a soulmate such as himself. Besides… besides…

He couldn’t help but recall the absolute glee, the way his face suddenly _glowed_ with happiness when he figured out that he had his soulmate right in front of him.

Maybe it hadn’t sunk in yet? Maybe he had been so happy to find his soulmate that he had forgotten who _Kisuke_ was?

 

He glanced over at the _boy who wasn’t even of age as a_ human _and moreover he was his student so Kisuke better watch his fucking manners._

Yes, he was young, too young.

Regardless of if they even were soulmates, he had been way too harsh with him. His excitement at finally meeting his soulmate probably blinded him to the reality that it was _Kisuke_ they were talking about. But…

Kisuke had basically rejected him.

 

As realization dawned so did horror.

He had gotten so scared that he had allowed his words to hurt the young teen again.

Kisuke still thought there was someone pranking them, or that it was really all one big misunderstanding, but at least… he shouldn’t make Ichigo feel as miserable as they sorted this out.

Mind decided, the former captain finally picked himself up and started walking in his direction. He hadn’t given more than a couple steps when Ichigo stiffened so abruptly he jumped in place and between one blink and the other he was gone, the trap door slamming behind him.

Kisuke sighed.

Just perfect.

 

* * *

When he tried to exit, Yoruichi’s face stared at him from the trapdoor.

“Have you thought long and hard about how stupid you are?” Her smiling face said, a premonition of something about to go wrong.

“What?” Is all Kisuke managed to say before there’s a foot to his face and he’s thrown down the lengthy stairs.

“You’re staying there until you’ve rethought your pathetic life!” Was the bellow that accompanied him on his way down.

‘ _Today,_ ’ Kisuke thought as he tried staunching his once more bleeding nose. ‘ _Is simply not my day,’_

 

When Kisuke finally managed to leave his training room he came face to face with a pissed Yoruichi. She glowered darkly at him but at least she let him climb out of the training area.

“Have you thought about what you’ve done?” The Shihoin Empress asked, not above using her powerful voice to try and cower him into submission. Kisuke had spent too long down there verbally punishing himself to be bothered by it. He just looked down mildly.

“Yes, quite.” He said, his voice soft.

Yoruichi squinted at him and was satisfied with whatever she saw. “Good. Now go apologize for whatever you did, you idiot.”

Kisuke didn’t even try to act offended. He just nodded and began to leave.

“I don’t know what went down there, but the boy came out of there looking distraught. You fucked up and I want you to fix it.” Yoruichi said without any prompting, looking tired and maybe a little sad. Kisuke wasn’t too sure on that last one. He nodded and continued exiting.

He was already outside when he stopped again to ask, “Why are you so adamant?”

Yoruichi, who decided to accompany to the entrance, was silent for a moment. “The kid has made you smile. Anyone who can do that is on my good books and I have to protect from your stupidities.”

His smile came a little more forced, but he released a sigh of amusement.

He had made him smile, huh.

When had this boy managed to crawl under his skin?

 

* * *

 

Ichigo spent a lot of his day staring at his window, not really looking at anything. He felt weird. Drained, empty.

Which is why he considered it highly unfair that the moment he looked away from the window and back at it, there was someone perched on the other side, just shy of plummeting down about five meters down to the ground.

Despite knowing that he probably should open the window to avoid that, Ichigo’s feet are ready to take him away from there and probably away from Karakura altogether.

 

Urahara looked up at him, smiled weakly and didn’t move. As if it was fine with him if Ichigo decided not to open the window. It was already dark outside, the moon high on the sky and reflecting off his pale hair and lashes and making his eyes shine more vividly.

Ichigo looked away.

 

Why was he here?

 

He turned away and prepared to leave.

He didn’t want a pity party.

 

“Kurosaki-san.” A muffled voice stopped him dead on his tracks. “I think you have every right to deny me entry but don’t leave with that expression on your face. Let me explain.”

Ichigo was really close to let loose a hysterical laugh. “Explain what exactly? Just forget about that already!”

“I cannot do that, Kurosaki-san.” Urahara kept quiet for a moment, as if composing his thoughts. “Do you mind if I start now?”

“Start what?”

“Explaining.” Urahara repeated patiently, he shifted in place knocking into the window and Ichigo was already sliding open the window before he could rationalize further. He avoided his gaze at all moment, but still stepped aside to let him in.

 

Urahara crawled inside and let himself fall heavily on the bed directly underneath. Ichigo was already standing at the opposite side, a hand on the door handle. Ichigo bobbed his head in the silence. “So, okay, say whatever it is you want to say.”

Urahara sighed. “Well, I suppose I owe you an apology.” Ichigo didn’t say anything or looked at him so he just continued. “When you told me that you were my soulmate, my first thought was that you were lying. Not because I consider you a dishonest man but because I never thought… after three hundred years and after being exiled… I thought I would never meet my soulmate.  And even if I met them, it’s not like I would deserve them.”

Now it’s Ichigo who’s looking at him, but Urahara was now staring at his intertwined hands on his lap. “And then, the man I have been training to fight in a war that’s not even his… a young boy who can’t do no wrong comes up to me and tells me that he’s my soulmate… It was like the biggest joke of all times.”

Ichigo’s hands twitched on the handle and Urahara looked up instinctively and locked eyes with him. “Ichigo, from the time I have known you, if I’m sure of one thing is that you deserve so much more. I didn’t reject you because you were in any way an unbecoming person, but because from what I know about you, from what you have allowed to let me know… there is no one with a bigger heart or a more noble soul or even half as brave. You have broken down every single assumption I had ever made of you, for the better. You have been faced with obstacles too grand for you and yet you find a way to pull through.”

Urahara paused yet again, looking more miserable by the second. Ichigo still can’t find the words and the blond didn’t seem to have noticed.

“At first you were just Isshin-san’s and Masaki-san’s oldest son. You were just a, forgive me, liability with too much reiatsu and the easiest bait in this town. I had plans, Kurosaki-san. From way before you were born, from before your parents met. And then you just had to get involved. Or maybe you were meant to get involved all along. And I still didn’t care then. You were just a Human child getting in over his head, who at this rate would be killed in no time _and still I goaded you on without a care in the world.”_ Urahara’s voice strained, his fists clenched, making something pop audibly as his face tensed up not in pain but rather in anger. “It was not until you decided to forgive me, for reasons I can’t understand, that I began to pay attention to you. How terrible is that?”

Ichigo frowned and opened his mouth to object to that, almost like a knee-jerk reaction but he was afraid that if he interrupted him, Urahara would clam up and then never again open up to Ichigo. It wasn’t like Ichigo was hoping for anything, Urahara was probably saying all this to let him down softly but still he wanted to listen to his every word.

“I finally allowed myself to see you for who you were and to this day, Kurosaki-san, I have not met a more… a more perfect soul as yours, if I’m allowed the indiscretion. You have proven yourself time and time again that you’re a selfless individual, with strong morals, many virtues and strengths and who will fight for what he thinks is right, no matter the odds. And it’s not like the odds matter at all with you, you’ll find a way to beat them anyway.” Now Urahara’s voice is softer, as a smile pulls at his lips. With the moon providing the only lighting, his crow’s feet are almost imperceptible, but clearly there. “And if there was ever a moment in which I coveted any of that, I snuffed it out before I even registered it. Because I’m not like you, I am that person everyone warns you not to trust, not to follow. I’m…” he trailed off, lifting his face to probably share an amused look but the words die on his throat. “ _Kurosaki-san_?” Urahara whispered urgently; he noticed that Ichigo’s eyes were brimming with tears. Even with everything going on, a part of his mind can’t help but think what a beautiful sight Ichigo was, with little slivers of moon shining in the corner of his eyes.

“If… if you’re trying to let me down softly… let me just tell you, you’re doing a crap job at it.”

And there was something brittle and fragile in his voice that made Urahara stand up in a flurry of movement, drawing close to him, stopping only when Ichigo flinched violently, hitting the door with his back.

“Kurosaki-san, I… that wasn’t my intention.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. As if I believe that.” Ichigo managed to choke out, ashamed that despite what he had told himself and his supposed emotional fortitude, he felt hot tears crawling their way down his face. He hiccupped, trying to stop a sob. He raised a hand to try and stifle the pathetic sounds coming out of his mouth but Urahara grabbed softly at one hand.

He held it between his hands, oddly cold to his warm ones. When Ichigo tried pulling it away, Urahara just moved closer with the movement and when Ichigo froze, he led that cold hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on it.

“What my long-winded explanation wanted to say was that, I am not a man worthy of your presence, less so of being your soulmate. Despite that, you appear to want to give me a chance. Despite everything, I would very much like to take it. Our soulmarks match, and maybe I don’t understand why, maybe I don’t deserve to understand, but if you’re fine with it I would love to be by your side.”

Ichigo, small, scared Ichigo gathered the courage to look up and was startled to notice that there was moonlight reflecting on the corner of Urahara’s eyes as well. “Wha…”

Urahara blinked rapidly, letting two teardrops fall, clearing his eyes. “Don’t mind me, Kurosaki… Ichigo-san. I’m… I’m at your mercy. If you need me as a platonic soulmate, if you need me just as a friend, you get the say in all this. Or if you don’t want to see my face ever again, that too is valid.”

 

Ichigo was silent for a very long time.

He just quietly hiccupped, slowly gaining control over himself again.

“What if...” He began at last, voice soft and broken. “What if I told you that I think I might love you?”

Urahara closed his eyes briefly as if in pain. “Then I would call you a very foolish boy.”

“It’s okay… if you don’t- if you don’t like me back, I mean-“

“Ichigo-san. It’s not…” Urahara sighed and for a moment he looked way more miserable than Ichigo felt. “I believe that if given the chance, if given permission, I could grow to love you. But I have never allowed myself the thought. I would have never, out of my own volition, allowed myself to think of you as more than my pupil. Not like it did any good in the end.” Urahara manages, but it doesn’t really look like one. “I just can’t believe you’re giving me the chance. I just… I really don’t deserve this- _you_ don’t deserve this. But now that I have it in my grasp… I’m afraid I won’t want to let go.”

“Yeah, well, here I’m hoping you don’t.” Ichigo mumbled, trying for a small smile and feeling something finally unravel in his chest when Urahara, no, when Kisuke smiled back at him.

Tears come back to his eyes and Kisuke softly drew him into his embrace, letting him rest his snotty face on his shoulders, one hand supporting him by the ribs, the other tangling in his hair.

Ichigo wasn’t sure if he was happy or if he was inconsolable.

He had finally found his soulmate.

(Was he good enough for him?)


	5. Chapter 5

When Ichigo woke up he was sure it had all been a dream. The weirdest dream he had ever had.

Then he noticed that whatever he was using as a pillow was warm and breathed. Ichigo immediately seized up and was about to jump off when a long hand rose to his back, softly doing circled between his ribs as the body he was using as a pillow breathed out a long sigh.

“Good morning, Ichigo-san.”

Ichigo squinted at the bedroom wall he could see directly in front of him. “…Urahara-san?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing in my bed?”

Urahara’s chest –which was what he had used as a pillow– rumbled with his chuckles. Before answering, Urahara gave him a gentle shove so they could both sit up.

“Well, after last night’s… confessions, you could say, you were pretty tired. You fell asleep in my arms.” Kisuke began to explain, making Ichigo huff and clear his throat in embarrassment. He looked back up at him when Kisuke gently rose a hand to his eyes, as if wiping invisible tears. “I’m sorry, Ichigo-san. I’m sorry for having taken so long.”

Ichigo frowned. “It’s not like you knew we were soulmates before.”

“But perhaps if I had gotten to know you before... If I had learned to care for you way earlier, you wouldn’t have had to deal with such crushing hopelessness.”

Ichigo swatted his hand away with a scowl. “Well, I didn’t know you and you didn’t know me and that doesn’t even matter anymore because you’re here now.”

Kisuke smiled, his face softening in a way Ichigo had never seen before. He found it incredibly hard not to stare with a gaping mouth. “For better or for worse. Or should I say, until you don’t want me anymore.”

Ichigo attempted a scowl, but his unease was probably clear on his face. Kisuke’s face gained an edge of sadness as he looked down at his hand still massaging his back.

“I already made my position clear, Ichigo-san. If you ever think or find me undeserving of you, it is your right to leave me.”

“Yeah, well, funny thing about relationships is… is that it’s a mutual agreement, we’re both here because we want to, and we can leave if we have to. And funnier thing about soulmates… it’s that we’re literally _meant_ to be together so shut your mouth.” The young man grumbled as he swatted his hand away so he could sit up, shooting him a scowl that eventually made Kisuke smile back.

“I wonder how can I ever forget how delightfully bullheaded you can be.” He said, Ichigo wasn’t sure how to take that comment and was already gearing himself up for an argument but he was stopped cold when Kisuke hefted himself up with the express purpose of cupping his cheek. “If you’re so insistent then I guess I don’t really have a choice, now do I?”

A wobbly smile made its way to Ichigo’s face. “Damn right you don’t.”

 

* * *

 

It was weird having a soulmate.

Weird as in, he was happy but he was not used to being able to just walk a couple blocks and repeatedly finding him, every morning without fail.

Kisuke would be expecting him and still smile as if he was a pleasant surprise each and every time. Ichigo’s heart flip-flopped every day as if it was always a new experience.

Maybe it was.

(Maybe a part of Ichigo was still waiting to wake up one day and discover that it had all been a dream, a delusion.)

 

The first couple days, Ichigo set off in his school uniform and after talking with Kisuke on his front door for a good half an hour, Kisuke would invite him inside, pour him a cup of tea –still perfectly warm every time, as if it had been brewed just for him– and before Ichigo realized, it was already noon.

Since it was already too late to go to school and Kisuke had given him something to eat anyway, Ichigo just shrugged and decided to just get on with his training.

That went on for several days and would have gone for several more had Kisuke not put down his foot. He would still be there, waiting for him no matter at what hour he arrived, but he would usher him to school and sometimes –if he was already out of his gigai– he would walk him to school.

Ichigo, prideful, young Ichigo never truly said anything regarding that little thing but it made him so, _so_ happy. They didn’t really talk, but they would walk, their steps synchronized and Kisuke would begin humming a new melody every day. Their hands would brush but Ichigo hadn’t quite felt brave enough to take ahold of it or even ask.

 

Ichigo wished this would go on forever.

(In the end he just wished it could have gone just a bit longer.)

 

 

* * *

 

One day, Ichigo began to feel truly restless.

He was getting stronger, he was keeping up with Renji and Toushiro and he gave Kisuke quite a fight but still he felt –he knew– it was not quite enough.

One day Ichigo would return from his morning meditation, with Hisagi and Toushiro basically hovering at his side, varying degrees of concern on their faces but all Ichigo would be able to remember was Zangetsu’s inconsolable crying.

He wouldn’t speak to him.

It just made his fear, his insecurities grow.

That day, after Kisuke had walked him to his school’s block, his hand had shot out and grabbed his wrist before he could think what he was actually doing.

Kisuke was pulled back and he could only stare in surprise at the hooded expression on his soulmate.  “Ichigo-san? Are you alright?” He asked, unsure of what to do. And that seemed to snap him out of it.

Ichigo immediately let him go, pulling his hands away as if burned, expression sheepish. “Right, see you later, Urahara-san.”

He wasn’t sure if it was his soulmate bond or if some deeply buried instinct had surfaced at long last, but Kisuke did not hesitate as he enveloped Ichigo in a strong hug.

After a stunned moment, Ichigo would return the hug with equal ferocity. He would stare into eyes of steel and find solace in them.

With that gaze looking only at him, Ichigo felt like he could weather anything.

 

One day, Ichigo had allowed his weaknesses through and Kisuke had been there to soothe them away. One day in which Rukia had been patrolling the area and had seen them. And instead of discussing it with her common sense –aka Hisagi– the short woman had proceeded to corner Kisuke and give him what she had dubbed as a “shovel talk”.

When she finally confessed to Ichigo what she had done, he had locked her in his closet.

It was just his luck that Hisagi had popped his head into his room at hearing noises and while he seemed unimpressed at finding his soulmate locked in a small closet, upon catching the muffled words of “ _But Ichigo, I needed to inform that imbecile Urahara of how invaluable you are and-“_ all hell had broken loose.

Hisagi had been able to connect the dots and between one polite-smile and the next, the Shinigami already had his deadly-looking zanpakuto at hand and unsealed. It was only Ichigo’s heightened reflexes which allowed him to pin him to the bed instead of using Kisuke as a pin cushion.

“You two will stop behaving so ridiculously this instant! What are you? My parents?”

“ _Yes_!” They would both vehemently reply –one locked in his closet and another pinned to his bed– with such seriousness Ichigo was at a loss.

“What the hell, you are _not._ And he’s _my_ soulmate, _I’m_ the only one that gets to murder him when he does something monumentally stupid again!” He would bellow, red in the face and scowl firmly in place; his voice was not a shout but was strong enough to overpower both protesting parties in his room.

Far away in a certain candy store, Kisuke sneezed.

 

* * *

 

Even though Ichigo knew he had allowed his weakness through, he was still surprised at opening his front door and finding the shopkeeper leaning against his gate’s wall. Upon seeing him, Kisuke grinned and waved.

Ichigo was –embarrassingly enough– gearing himself to sprint up to him but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He looked back and saw his goofy-faced father smiling ominously at him.

“You should head to school, Ichigo. I have something to talk about with the shopkeeper.”

“What do you have to talk about with Urahara-san?” Ichigo threw back, daring him to lie to his face again.

“Ah, you know, adult stuff.” Isshin said with a stupid grin, probably expecting to horrify him.

Ichigo hated secrets.

Even though his father had already been hinting at him of a technique that he would have to learn soon enough, even though he had already sat there as Ichigo all but had a panic attack because _his fucking dad apparently had been a Shinigami all along…_ Even with all that, he still had the gall to keep lying to him.

Something of all that must have shown on his face since Isshin actually lost his goofiness and took a step back.

Ichigo reigned in the impulse to punch him and just decided to ignore him as he reunited with Kisuke. The blond man– who probably had been listening in to everything– just smiled at him, waved an airy goodbye at Isshin in clear dismissal and they began to walk away, together.

 

“He just thought I was there to talk to him, you know I was really there for you. ” Kisuke assured him even though he had not been asked. Ichigo grunted and felt relatively better.

They walked some more in a comfortable silence before Ichigo felt the need to ask, “you wouldn’t talk behind my back again, would you?”

Kisuke was the one to stretch his hand to give him a gentle squeeze. It almost distracted him enough to forget all about his fears. “Not anymore, Ichigo-san. Not even if you hadn’t turned out to be my soulmate, I vowed never to harm you again.”

“Good.” Ichigo stated, with flushed cheeks. “Do you reckon my… D’ya think Isshin will be like that someday?”

“He better be. For both of your sakes.” Kisuke replies promptly, as he stared at every little shift in Ichigo’s expression. The boy hasn’t quite noticed yet, and he goes from looking at the ground worriedly to scowling sharply at him.

“It’s not like I need him.”

“You do know I will support you with whatever you decide to do regarding your relationship with your father, right?” Kisuke felt the need to say, making Ichigo falter in his steps for a second. He stared at him. “As long as you find closure and don’t regret it, that is.”

Relief shone on his face. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Ichigo csught himself smiling and felt the need to hide it with digging his hands in his pants pockets and scowling at nothing in particular. “Why are you here in the first place? Ugh, don’t tell me Rukia threatened you?”

“…Although she defended you rather vehemently and violently, no I am not here due to her. I just wanted to walk you to school today. You have seemed rather… agitated lately.”

Ichigo felt a knot in his throat but he was already looking away, so it was easy to miss. His voice was abnormally soft. “Right. Sorry about that.”

“No, I’m not telling you this for you to apologize. I just wanted to know if… you’d like to share the reason?” Kisuke asked, every word carefully enunciated.

“I haven’t been agitated. It was just that one time.”

Kisuke was staring at the floor in silence next time Ichigo chanced a glance in his direction. Ichigo could feel him weighing the pros and the cons of whatever he was about to say.

“Hisagi-san has discovered that we are soulmates.” He began, voice too soft to be of any comfort. Ichigo felt himself going rigid. “No doubt thanks to Kuchiki-san. And he has deemed it pertinent to have a talk with me, although it was much more civilized than his soulmate’s was.” He still joked about it sometimes, enjoying how much it embarrassed him but this time he didn’t smile tauntingly. “I expected you having bouts of anxiety or even depression given the upcoming war but even so, something happened. Something happened in your inner world. I’m not going to pry, soulmates we might be, but I am sadly aware we are not close enough for me to ask about a matter of your soul. But if there’s something you’re uncertain of, if there’s any way for me to help, then I just want you to know that I am open to talk.”

He finished and then gave his soulmate time to process.

Ichigo was silent for a couple blocks. When he finally spoke, it was jokingly, “one of these days I’ll see how long it takes you to say that you are worried. It’s really nothing. At least, it’s nothing you don’t know about already.”

Kisuke has it on the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell the boy that there was a possibility that he could restore his powers afterwards, but unless he was absolutely, one-hundred-percent sure, he wouldn’t dare. That would, without a doubt, would crush him if it turned out to be impossible.

Instead, he walked him to the school’s entrance, gave his shoulder a little touch and he stared at the boy until Ichigo could give him a wobbly smile back.

 

* * *

 

Ichigo hated secrets.

But he hadn’t quite been ready to proclaim to his whole classroom the fact that he had a soulmate.

As everyone stared at him, silence falling over the classroom, Ichigo felt his blood pressure rising. Rukia wouldn’t have dared. Hisagi wouldn’t have let her either.

But she might have told Renji and his human friends.

And they weren’t as tight-lipped and quiet as they should.

As whispers began to spread, Ichigo assumed his usual scowl as he basically prowled towards his bunch of friends, who still had not noticed him or were pretending not to.

He towers over them without a word, as he eyed the amount of guilt on their faces and with a sigh he realized that probably Renji and Inoue had been too absorbed with the ‘Ichigo gossip’ to notice they weren’t being as discreet as they should and word had leaked out. It had long since been leaked that he didn’t have a soulmark, but after the seventh beating, Ichigo had gotten his point across that they had no say on what his life was like and Ichigo had been so sure it was over.

Ichigo sighed, giving up then and there. “Please tell me they don’t know who it is at the very least.”

Inoue finally looked up, “…You’re not mad at us?”

“That depends on the answer to my question.”

“…We didn’t say names, actually Rukia refused to tell me who it was either so, yeah. We know as much as the rest.” Renji –in the school uniform, a sight as jarring as always– mumbled, looking as pitiful as Inoue.

“Which is already more than what I would like.” Ichigo maintained his scowl for a good five seconds before deflating with another sigh and dumping his bag on the closest spot to Chad who just nodded and smiled briefly at him. “I do not know why this matter is suddenly so important to my fellow classmates.”

Ishida actually looked at him. “You’re talking more civilized. At least your soulmate will be a positive influence on you.”

Ichigo scowled again only for him. The gall!

He was fully prepared to maintain a scary countenance for the duration of the day, or of the week if it was necessary to avoid any possible questioning from his classmates, but he didn’t expect Tatsuki to suddenly come up to him and give him a quick hug.

She smiled at his flustered expression and simply said, “I told you they would appear someday. I’m glad you found them.”

The classroom as a whole gasped, as a smile crept up his face despite his best efforts.

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

 

Mizuiro and Keigo approached during lunch, Ichigo breaking away from his little gang to refill his bottle. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since they last spoke until he noticed how Keigo gave several false starts, nervousness evident on his face before he could greet him with a smile.

Mizuiro on the other hand was as composed as always. “Congratulations, Ichigo.”

“Yeah, thanks. Now I’m a little less of an oddball, right?”

“Debatable. But yeah, you know who it is?” Mizuiro continued asking while sipping from his juice. He eyed him silently as Ichigo tensed up abruptly and simply said. “You don’t have to tell us; you know? It’s alright. You’ve always been a secretive guy, for all of your blunt honesty.”

Ichigo stared at him, and knowing he had let too much show, Mizuiro bade him goodbye immediately afterwards. Keigo looked torn between fleeing with him, but he stuck with Ichigo long enough to congratulate him as well.

He too looked a little crestfallen.

 

Ichigo stared at their backs long enough that Renji had already come out to usher him back in. Tuning him out, Ichigo thought that maybe he ought to put in a little more effort to talk to his old friends. They had done nothing wrong. They had all the right to be angry at being just kept in the dark, of not talking.

(Ichigo had never been a selfish kid. He never wondered if it was worth investing his time and attention in them even if he did not make it alive to the next year. He knew what he had to do and he did it, no hard feelings, no questions asked.)

Of course, now that he actually had a soulmate –would he ever get tired of saying it– Ichigo decided to tell him what he planned to do regarding them before actually doing it.

He didn’t ask permission, he just told him, “I’mma tell them about all the supernatural stuff going on. They like Don Kanonji’s stuff alright, I suppose I can play with those concepts around a little for easier understanding.”

Ever secretive Kisuke just smiled and nodded, knowing that Ichigo would not have it any other way and really, who would it harm?

Said and done, Ichigo dragged his two high school friends out one day, sat them down and went on a long explanation of what he had been doing ever since Rukia appeared.

They listened to him. They listened in silence all of Ichigo’s bizarre and outlandish adventures and not even once did they call him a liar.

Keigo did seem to be on the verge of having either a mental breakdown or a collapse, but he’d survive. Mizuiro on the other hand was silent as the grave, soaking everything in with relative ease.

When asked why he was so calm he simply said, “Karakura is not a normal town. Never has been. I’ve seen my share of freak accidents, of something invisible damaging the buildings. And…” Here he rubs his arms, as if getting goosebumps. “Sometimes, when you and your friends are involved in something and I happen to be nearby, I always get the chills. There are people next to me that I cant see.”

“Why did you never say anything before?”

“Well for one, you weren’t freaking out nor being overly worried, so I assumed that whatever it was, it would not harm us.” Mizuiro mumbled lightly enough. Ichigo didn’t fall for it and felt humbled at being seen in such high regards. His breath still hitched in his chest when Mizuiro looked at him again, eyes as sharp as daggers. “And also, even if we asked. You would not tell us.”

Ichigo actually looked down, chastised. “It was not my secret to keep. And I didn’t want to worry you more.”

Mizuiro is still crestfallen but Keigo nudged him on the side and added, “we already knew he’d say something like that. And he’s telling us now, I say we forgive him.”

Mizuiro sighed and then looked at Ichigo with his arms crossed. “Well, alright then. Only if you pay for karaoke night.”

Ichigo squinted. “Since when do you do karaoke night?”

Mizuiro smirked, “since I got invited by five beautiful office ladies that I met online.”

“Why do I have to pay for all of you? Why not just going to the arcade or something? I’m not made out of money.” Ichigo grumbled under his breath and Mizuiro was still smiling and Keigo began to wail about how he could never get any ladies to himself.

And that was it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Redeeming Karakura friends!


	6. Chapter 6

Next morning, Mizuiro cornered Ichigo as soon as he was spotted to tell him in that mild tone of his how the beautiful office ladies had cancelled on him. But, he said, he still wanted to go out, and since he knows Keigo has an awful singing voice, they should just go to the arcade instead.

Ichigo just blinked repeatedly, taken completely off guard. He regained himself enough to say, “I don’t think I can? I’m supposed to be training in the afternoons.”

“I’m sure you can take at least one day off to relax.” Keigo said, much too lightly.

Ichigo didn’t have time to sensor himself before he exploded with, “Are you crazy?! Of course I can’t! I have to keep getting stronger because coming winter I-!”

He was scared. He could lie to everyone, but there was no lying to himself. He was scared of the upcoming war.

That was just pathetic.

To keep up the farce, to make their astonished expressions more of an overstatement, he dramatically looked around the hallway, as if making sure that nobody would hear him. Then he just whispered, “I’m sorry okay? It’s just… I need to be ready for this upcoming war. People need me.”

They looked scared. As if it had never dawned on them that their classmate and friend was going to be heading a war. That this teen the same age as them, would need to spend his free time training to be strong enough to survive a war he was pulled into. It was…

“So unfair.” Mizuiro mumbled, unable to keep his fake smile on, unable to keep his fists from clenching. Keigo managed things differently, breaking out in a cold sweat as he fiddled nervously with his hands. He tried a smile and just settled for a grimace as he asked, maybe a tad unrealistically.

“Why can’t those Shinigami leave you out of this?”

Ichigo flinched briefly, but then he recovered and just snorted. “Because they’re weaker than me.”

“Then when the war’s over we’ll hang out, okay?” Keigo exclaimed, a note of desperation in his voice. “It’s a promise.”

Ichigo had trouble keeping his face lax. “Sure.” He mumbled, his smile as fake as his words. “It’s a promise.”

 

* * *

 

 

He ends up skipping class. Not because of any conscious decision but rather because while he headed for the bathroom he had caught glimpse of a fluttering black cloak on the window. He dashed out, wondering if it was a Shinigami and was surprised at seeing Urahara Kisuke, standing nonchalantly outside the second floor window with sweat streaming down his face.

Ichigo slammed the window opened and dragged him inside despite Kisuke not being in any imminent danger of falling. The student looked at the empty hallway before whispering in his face, “what are you doing here?”

Kisuke just blinked owlishly, one hand on his hat and still looking off-balance from when he had been manhandled. “…Hello.”

Ichigo sighed, feeling himself relaxing. “Yes hello. What are you doing here, Kisuke-san?”

Kisuke sketched a weird smile, a bit awkward. “I… got a hunch?”

“A hunch? What of?”

“I got worried about you.”

Ichigo stared at him while Kisuke avoided his gaze.

“Were you spying me?”

Kisuke actually smiled. “Although staring at you all day long sounds awfully appealing, no, I was not spying on you.” He grinned at the way Ichigo sputtered and reddened and avoided his gaze. Still with a smile on his face, the shopkeeper looked pensive and solemn. “No, I just… had a bad feeling. I am unsure if this has anything to do with our… our connection. As soulmates. But I needed to come see you… Ichigo-san?”

Ichigo was staring off into space, trying his best not to let his emotions through while having a minor panic attack.

A hunch? Soulmates’ connections? Nobody had those! Correction, nobody had those _anymore_!

Besides, it required a very strong bond, a very deep emotion between the two, or more recipients and… and there was just no way.

He really liked Urahara, but there’s no way the shopkeeper felt remotely the same. He was an adept liar, it would cost him nothing to fool him into believing he cared for Ichigo, but he couldn’t fool their link.

And if, for some reason, Ichigo’s existence was weird enough to create such a bond without Urahara being particularly attached, he was still picking up on Ichigo’s emotions.

Would he still be able to hide his useless fears from him?

He was pulled out of his downwards spiral as his soulmate grabbed his hand and steered him so they’d be standing in front of each other. Ichigo met his gaze briefly before flinching away and whatever Kisuke was going to say died on his lips.

Instead, the shopkeeper pulled out something from the folds of his clothes and before Ichigo can even complain about it, a gikongan is shoved into his mouth and his soul neatly separated from his body. The teen stared, confusion in his face as the older man instructed the artificial soul in his body to go hide until he came back for him– Ichigo’s body saluting and sprinting away without Ichigo himself.

And the boy himself didn’t have time to say much more as Kisuke tugged on his hand more insistently, whispering, “come with me.”

 

 

Ichigo isn’t proud to say he wasn’t too sure how he’d ended up on the rooftop of some family restaurant, sitting down with his legs hanging down the side of the building with Kisuke by his side, legs crossed and back straight.

“So,” Kisuke began. “What’s wrong?”

Ichigo was surprised but decided to hide it by staring at his own hands. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kisuke looked at him, quietly analyzing him, gathering his thoughts. Ichigo felt increasingly restless as the silence grew, but his tension spiked up when Kisuke finally spoke. “I don’t want to pry. I have no right to do so, but you have been acting strange. What’s worrying you? Is it the upcoming war?”

Ichigo’s shoulders tense, rise and fall as he shifted in place and then… Ichigo just…

“It’s nothing.”

Kisuke stared at him some more before he sighed. “Is that so?”

He sounded so sad, Ichigo turned to look at him.

“Is there really nothing I can do?”

Ichigo immediately jumped in his defense. “You didn’t do anything wrong, you _don’t_ have to do anything it’s just me feeling silly and you don’t have anything to do with this, I’m just feeling a little under the weather and-“

Kisuke had cocked his head before carefully extending an arm to wrap around his shoulders, gripping him tightly.

Ichigo descended into an abrupt silence, looking concerned and worried and…

Kisuke didn’t say anything. He turned to stare at the sky above them, as he kept a firm arm around the smaller man offering him his company, giving him space.

Promising him that he was not alone.

 

* * *

 

When Ichigo finally gave up he covered his face with his hands as he leant into Kisuke. His breath hitched at intervals, but he didn’t really sob at all.

Kisuke held him tighter and refrained from asking.

He was worried.

But right now, what Ichigo needed was someone he could show his weaknesses to. If Kisuke so much as insinuated that maybe he could help deal with the problem instead, this foolish boy would certainly clam up, insisting that he, as the hero, would solve it. He would figure it out on his own.

So he kept quiet, choosing instead to cradle the young man to his chest, one arm unmoving around his torso and the other one carding softly through his hair.

He wanted to say something, that it was going to be alright, everything would be solved and he didn’t have to worry but…

Not only did he not know what the problem actually was…

He couldn’t issue a promise he wasn’t at least 99% sure it would happen.

But what he could say was, “Ichigo-san. I might not know yet… Or more accurately I’m not sure I deserve to say that I love you, but what I can tell you is that I care deeply about you. You have proved to me, time and time again that you defeat every expectation, gaining unimaginable strength to protect those you love, that despite everything you have a heart of gold, choosing to help everyone you come across, with no ties attached. And even if you’re hurt… As long as everything turns out alright… you’re willing to forgive.” Kisuke fell silent for a moment, gathering his thoughts, his emotions. By his side, Ichigo was very quiet, hanging onto his every word.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you. Or maybe I have to work harder to make myself worthy of being your soulmate, but if there’s one thing I can promise you, is that I will cherish you, all of you, for all eternity. I will cherish and protect you never will I doubt you. I will never leave you as long as you want me by your side.

“Ichigo-san, maybe I don’t deserve to love you, but I feel like I can say this much. You have no idea how much you’ve changed me. How you’ve given me hope again, of a brighter future, of a better path.”

Ichigo had finally lifted his teary face to stare at him, astonished as if he couldn’t quite believe that these words were coming out of Kisuke’s mouth. Kisuke looked at him, letting him see his vulnerabilities, letting him see his honesty, and when Ichigo just hiccupped and began crying some more, he just smiled at him, held him close and never let go.

 

* * *

 

When Ichigo fell asleep, trusting him with his body as he slumped against his side, exhausted after so many emotions and tears, Kisuke took him to the shoten, where he laid out a futon for him and when Ichigo refused to let go of his hand, Kisuke simply grabbed a cushion and remained sitting by his side, staring out at the darkened hallway, thoughts swirling. Guilt churning in his stomach.

 

A child.

 

They were sending a child to war.

 

How it had all come to this?

“Ichigo-san. If I can promise you one thing… I will not let you fight alone. Even if it kills me, you _won’t fight alone._ We will fight together, and I swear to you, Kurosaki Ichigo… you will survive this war. So sleep easy, slumber away, because I will protect you.” Kisuke said fervently, caressing Ichigo’s cheek with a single finger, letting a bit of his reiatsu through and helping soothe his nightmares away.

Not for the first time, Kisuke wished there was more he could do.

 

* * *

 

Kuchiki and Hisagi come crashing down on his humble shop’s doors the very next morning, barely giving the sun the time to rise over the horizon, but not enough to bathe the city in its warmth.

Kisuke rubbed at his eyes, feeling the elastic and feeble skin of his eye bags under his hand, before he stared at them with just a hint of hostility. Hisagi straightened and stepped in front of Rukia defensively before the woman herself barreled her way into Kisuke’s personal space.

“Is he alright?”

Kisuke spared a moment to acknowledge how Rukia had immediately assumed Ichigo was with him, with the few hints she could have picked up. Kisuke wondered if he would be so visibly distressed if Ichigo disappeared and he didn’t know where he was.

A little voice whispered, that he would be devastated.

“He was… a tad under the weather, but he’s fine now. Although certainly you don’t plan on waking him up right now, am I correct?”

Rukia squinted dubiously at him before slowly backing down, Hisagi’s hand on her shoulder.

“Yes, well, we’ll come later. Escort him to school and all that.”

“If he feels up to it, then sure.” Kisuke replied, not willing to concede ground. He’s not sure what to feel when the bonded pair in front of him look at each other before nodding and finally backing down.

“Right. Then, our apologies for waking you up, Urahara-san. We’ll take our leave.” Hisagi said, bowing for the both of them and hauling his soulmate away.

With the ease of familiarity, their hands found each other without even looking, and together they walked away.

 

* * *

 

Standing alone by the porch, Kisuke looked down at his own hand, white, scarred and calloused.

Would he be so nonchalant with his soulmate one day?

Would he deserve to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are moving along and Ichigo is suffering some more...  
> Don't forget to drop a comment!


	7. Chapter 7

“I,” Ichigo began, with an increasingly red face. “Am so sorry.”

Kisuke, who had just entered the room with a platter of western style breakfast paused at the doorstep. “pardon? What are you apologizing for?”

The teen sitting on the futon, with his hands bunching the fabric in a nervous manner mumbled. “Um, for having a meltdown in front of you?”

Kisuke remained silent for a minute as he placed the platter by Ichigo’s side. He sighed. “Ichigo-san, I don’t want you to apologize to me. You did nothing wrong. I’m... glad you trust me enough to tell me that.”

“Shut up!” Ichigo said, too embarrassed to look into his eyes. “Um, but still… I feel bad.”

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we? What could I do to make you feel better?”

“That’s not-“ Ichigo began hurriedly and then huffed at the amused expression Kisuke directed at him. “You bastard.”

“Are you going to punch me again?”

From the tip of his nose to his ears, Ichigo turned very red.

 

 

* * *

 

Kisuke didn’t mention school and Ichigo didn’t seem to be up for it anyway, so instead, they just drank tea with Ichigo surrounded by a pile of warm blankets.

The boy had stared at him, with a quirked eyebrow, but hadn’t actually refused them, choosing instead to bundle up in all of them at the same time, despite the warmth seeping in as noon crawled by.

They don’t really talk about anything of importance, until Ichigo, looking far more revitalized than the last couple days finally shrugged off his blankets and stood up.

“It’s about time to go train, right?”

Kisuke stared at him for a second. “Let us go, then.”

 

* * *

 

Now it wasn’t just Ichigo being trained, but Kisuke had decided to join in, as they practiced their teamwork.

 

Kisuke had wanted at least a session with just the two of them, as they got used to working together, but as they seamlessly fell into step, side-by-side never once getting in the other’s way, it clicked.

After all, bonded pairs were a sight to behold during a battle.

It just had never occurred to Kisuke, that he too would be ever bonded to someone.

 

They call it a day far before either of them is remotely tired, but Kisuke had been feeling much too odd.

Ichigo noticed, and he tried calling him as they made their way back to the ladder to exit the training area. “Kisuke? Are you okay?”

Kisuke would then turn to stare at him. Eyes still distant, and lost, the man would reach out for him.

As if it was an instinct, a familiar gesture, Ichigo stretched out his own hand to meet his. Without giving him time to be embarrassed, Kisuke grabbed it, pressed it to his forehead and bowed.

“Thank you,” he would say, voice trembling with emotion. “For being born.”

 

 

* * *

 

Ichigo stayed the night.

Kisuke had tucked his emotions back in immediately afterwards but Ichigo hadn’t been fooled. He knew that Kisuke had a long untold story, a lot of baggage dragged through the decades.

This time it was Ichigo who smiled and poured him a cup of tea and sat by his side. He was a bit hesitant, but he ended up sitting close enough for their arms to touch and he stared ahead as he said, “will you teach me?”

He knew Kisuke was staring at him.

“Will you tell me your story?”

The way Kisuke visibly flinched is nothing but a bad omen, but Ichigo forged through.

“Ichigo-san I don’t…”

“I don’t need to hear everything. But just…” Ichigo chanced a look back even though he knew it would put him on guard. “I want to get to know you, Kisuke-san. Will you let me?”

His soulmate smiled weakly in defeat. Messed up his hair under his hat and finally mumbled. “Okay.”

Kisuke gave off so many false starts that it almost looked like a nervous tick. After he finally began, his voice was so fragile Ichigo was afraid that the words would be blown away before they reached him.

“I got my soulmark the day after being adopted into the Shihoin clan.” He said, looking into the distance. “I can’t tell you how old I was. Can’t really tell you how old I really am. Life in Rukongai is…” He sighed and even though Ichigo would really like to know what exactly did he mean, if it had been hard enough not to keep count of the days, or if it meant that he’d never had anyone to celebrate his birthdays with. Ichigo’s eyes drifted briefly on his bobbing Adam’s apple when the man gulped before speaking again. “At first I thought it was a prank. At first I thought that Yoruichi-san had managed to draw on me while I slept as improbable as that was. I was… I was not very attuned to the need to keep quiet about it. I was too mad at being drawn on, and at not waking up and allowing someone so close but… Yoruichi-san realized what it was before me. And then punched me. Clean off my feet.” Kisuke paused to slant an amused look at an embarrassed Ichigo. “Perhaps she was preparing me for meeting you.”

Ichigo huffed and grunted and scowled and tried not to stare at his soulmate’s white, shaking hands.

Ichigo didn’t want to interrupt, didn’t want to be the cause of his soulmate to clam up but Kisuke was already silent. Staring off into space as if he had forgotten Ichigo was even there. Ichigo cleared his throat and softly said, “so what did you do?”

Kisuke looked at him, arching an elegant eyebrow. “Well, what do you suppose I did? Of course I looked for them.” He paused, his face losing his amusement. “Of course I looked for you.”

Ichigo swallowed and reflexively opened his mouth. “I’m so-“

“Why are you apologizing?” Kisuke asked with the most surprised tone. “Ichigo-san, you don’t…” He hesitated, the moment broke as he dropped his gaze to his hands. He frowned briefly as he grabbed them to keep them steady. “I looked for you, under every cranny, on every Rukongai rat I came across.”

“You didn’t look in the nobles?” Ichigo felt like he needed to ask. It’s not like he cared, but apparently Ichigo had come from a noble clan.

Kisuke was silent some more. “Eventually. I grew desperate enough to try but… why would a noble be with street trash?” He looked up at hearing Ichigo’s sharp intake of breath and a wry smile curved his lips. “My apologies, Ichigo-san. It is simply the terminology used back then.”

Ichigo again wanted to interrupt, to cut in but Kisuke prepared himself to continue speaking and Ichigo made use of monumental strength to stop himself.

“But yes, I looked for you all across Rukongai. Yoruichi helped me look for you in the Nobles. And then I was… I joined the Onmitsukidou.”

No expression, no emotion escaped his face now. It would be like staring at a sculpture of Kisuke.

Then, he smiled. Brightly, too brightly. “And then I had you come and punch your way into my life.”

Ichigo stared at him, not rising to the taunt. “What is the Onmitsukidou? What did you have to do there?”

“Nothing interesting, certainly!” Kisuke said with another smile. It stayed in the face of the disappointed look in Ichigo’s eyes, but it certainly dimmed.

“Kisuke-san.” Ichigo said. “I can’t get to know you if you don’t tell me things. I missed so many decades of your life I- the only way to get them back, if that’s at all possible, would be if you talk to me. Don’t…” His voice dwindled and it sounded almost pitiful. “Don’t shut me out.”

“I’m not. I swear to you, Ichigo-san, I will never shut you out.” Kisuke hesitated and simply said. “Nothing much really happened there. But I stopped searching.”

Ichigo wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it clearly hadn’t been this. “You… you stopped? _Why?”_

Kisuke looked taken aback, as if he hadn’t expected that reaction or having to explain himself. He visibly struggled, looking to be almost in pain, but the quiet whisper made Ichigo love him even more. “I felt I didn’t deserve you. I just… I thought, I _knew_ you would be better off without me.”

“What did you do at the Onmitsukidou?” Ichigo insisted in a quiet mumble.

Kisuke closed his eyes. “Someday,” he began. “I’ll have to tell you. It is an inevitable truth of our bond. But for now, let me keep that secret. I beg you.”

Ichigo was scared of those words. Because that meant that Kisuke had done some pretty fucked up things. Enough to make him feel remorse. And Ichigo knew he would still forgive everything. “I’ll listen,” he promised. Kisuke stared at him. “I’ll listen to whatever you did. And I’ll stay by your side. Just… trust me a little. Please?”

“I trust you,” Kisuke answered almost reflexively. He leant into Ichigo’s side heavily, and Ichigo pressed back. “I trust you with my soul, my life. My heart.”

A seed of doubt blossomed in Ichigo’s mind.

If- when he was gone, when his years, his time ran out.

What would Kisuke do?

“Kisuke-san,” Ichigo said, trying to blink back the tears. “I love you.”

“One day I’ll be able to-“

“Kisuke-san,” Ichigo pleaded. “I _love_ you.”

Silence. Frightening silence.

“Ichigo-san, I… I love you too.”

His heartbeat sped up, and his eyes watered almost to unmanageable levels. “Thank you.”

“No, thank you for appearing before me. Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for your patience. Ichigo-san,” Kisuke grabbed one of Ichigo’s tightly coiled fists and gave it a feather light kiss. “Once more, thank you for existing.”

Ichigo finally smiled.

 

 

* * *

 

Ichigo stayed, just talking and eating and spending time with his soulmate. Falling in love a little more.

And then there are loud knocks on Kisuke’s door that shatter the quiet, just like the first thunder before the storm.

Kisuke looked alarmed all of five seconds, after which he sighed and pressed a soft kiss on Ichigo’s forehead to ease his new scowl. He gently pushed Ichigo upright, so he was no longer lying on his lap as he murmured, “I believe someone is here to pick you up.”

“Who-?”

“ _Urahara Kisuke, I know you’re in there!”_ Someone bellowed from all the way to the entrance as if to answer the unsuspecting teen. Ichigo went livid.

“What does he want?” Ichigo hissed, with narrowed eyes, “and why is he banging on your door as if he- he-“

“Ichigo-san, it’s alright, just breathe. We both know what kind of man your father is, let’s just go dispatch him so he leaves sooner.”

Ichigo blinked a couple times before childish delight brightened up his face.

 

 

* * *

 

“Yes, hello to you too, Isshin-san.” Kisuke greeted with his usual mild-mannered tone. Off to a side, so Isshin wouldn’t see him, Ichigo hid, ready to intervene if his father did something stupid.

“Where is Ichigo?”

“My, if you came here, then you just already know!” Kisuke said with an ungodly amount of cheer, jutting out a finger to an unsmiling Isshin.

“Don’t fool around, I know he comes here to train. I sensed him here but he hasn’t returned home. So I’ll ask again. Where is my son?”

“I do not understand why are you speaking to me like that.” Kisuke said, slitting his eyes open and in a split second his smile had turned sharp and deadly. “Are you worried? Really? In that case why not call his phone? You _do_ know he has one, right? Or, I don’t know, why didn’t you come here last night when your teenage boy did not come home?”

Isshin’s frown accentuated, as he stepped closer in a weak attempt to intimidate Kisuke by their scant height difference. The shopkeeper simply tilted his face, completely unfazed.

“What’s up with you,” Isshin said, his captain persona emerging. His eyes narrowed. “Now that I think about it, you have been spending a ridiculous amount of time with my son. What are your intentions, Kisuke? If you dare lay a hand on my-“

“What the _fuck_ , Goat-Face?” Ichigo finally had enough and he stalked forward, bristling like a cat and thundering his way to stand between a startled Isshin and a resigned Kisuke. “Why are you getting so aggressive with my _mentor?”_

“Ichigo-san, I am grateful you feel like you have to stand up for me but-“ Kisuke started, a reluctant smile on his face that faded away as Isshin glared at him. Eyes like burnished metal locked with his. “I am more than enough to deal with Isshin-san.”

“Deal with me?” Isshin huffed, looking past Ichigo as if he weren’t even there. “Like hell you will, you are going to explain to me why my son spent the night with your sorry-!”

He was cut short by said son who brusquely pushed him back. “Oi, I’m right fucking here.” Ichigo snarled, drawing his attention. “I don’t understand what’s your fucking problem. Why are you acting like that? It’s not like you’re my…” A funny expression crossed his features. A sardonic smile pulled at his lips. “If you’re trying to pretend to be my father you can stop now while you’re ahead. You were never there for me, for _us_. Any right you might have had to act as a parent, you made sure to throw it away.”

Isshin stumbled back as if he had been physically punched. His face was pale. “Ichigo…What-?”

“Oh don’t look at me like that. You were the one who decided that your secrets, your comfort were more important than any of us. It was you.” And now, Ichigo was letting loose all those years of resentment, of fear. His hands, balled into fists were shaking. “So don’t you dare come now and try to barge into my life. It is none of your business who I stay with, who I see. Even if I decide to date someone I wouldn’t tell you. It’s none of your business.”

Kisuke realized he was about to grab Ichigo’s hand to show his support only after he had started the movement and he had few seconds to stretch the motion for him to touch a very tense shoulder instead.

“Ichigo-san,” He simply said, squeezing softly and Ichigo straightened from his aggressive hunch.

“This is all your fault,” Isshin muttered, staring at the hand on Ichigo’s shoulder.

Ichigo stepped closer again, like a taunted attack dog, his chain being the soft hand still in contact with him. “You have nobody else to blame but you. I didn’t even ask for you to be a father to me, if only you had, _at least_ been there to tell me the truth. If only you… God what an embarrassment that we’re related.”

With those words, Ichigo shrugged Kisuke’s hand off as he stalked back inside the shoten, exuding anger with every step.

Kisuke spared just a glance at the paper-white Isshin, tipped his hat as all show of condolence and turned his back on Isshin once and for all.

 

* * *

 

Ichigo was wreaking havoc in his basement, but Kisuke did not join. He made sure that nobody would interrupt him, and sat by the trapdoor to wait his soulmate out.

Maybe there would have been better ways to handle things, but…

Ichigo had been bottling everything so far, he deserved this much at least. Maybe, hopefully he would find peace.

And maybe, maybe Isshin might recognize his errors, and maybe Ichigo would be able to forgive him.

As always, a thousand different scenarios popped into his mind, but he waved them all away. No matter what happened, he would take Ichigo’s side. He would always take his side.

And be there for him to tend to the aftermath.

 

When Kisuke finally descended in the sudden silence, Ichigo was on his back, staring at the artificial sky with a morose look.

Kisuke walked over to him and when he got close he was suddenly assaulted with a flashback of the last time he had stared down at the boy.

Bleeding out in the rain.

Kisuke blinked the vision out of his mind as he offered a smile to the teen.

“Would you like to eat dinner?” He simply said.

And just like that, light returned to Ichigo’s eyes as he huffed and picked himself up.

Kisuke extended a hand even though Ichigo didn’t need it and the boy took it.

“Did I do the right thing?”

“I wouldn’t know, Ichigo. I think you did what was necessary if that helps.”

“Yeah.”

“And as I said, I would be by your side no matter what.” Kisuke mumbled much to Ichigo’s surprise. “And that means that if Isshin makes it difficult for you in any capacity, you and your sisters can reach out to me, even for a place to stay.”

Ichigo was staring at him, wide-eyed even as he mumbled, “I don’t think he would go that far though.”

“My offer still stands.”

There is silence. Kisuke felt flustered and wondered if he had done something wrong since Ichigo was still staring.

“Are… are you real?”

“Pardon me?”

Ichigo blushed. “I-eh, I mean… I’m just… surprised. It’s nothing, let’s… let’s go eat dinner or whatever.”

Kisuke smiled indulgently and when Ichigo’s hand jerked briefly, Kisuke snatched his hand up and tugged him back to the ladder.

Hand in hand, they returned to reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less angst this time. And a wild Isshin appears!  
> What do you think of the story so far?  
> Don't forget to drop a comment!


	8. Chapter 8

Ichigo hadn’t thought he had missed that many school days but Keigo doesn’t try to tackle him on sight and Mizuiro seems to be uncannily amused.

 

As it turned out, Keigo had started lamenting that he had died every time he skipped a school day. Which was innocuous enough by itself, but apparently he had done it so many times in a row that other classmates had overheard him and worst of all, _had believed him_.

Which is the reason he had a vase of white flowers on top of his desk.

His breath caught in his lungs and static filled his mind with the stark reminder of his impending demise.

_Was this how his desk would be looking like in a couple months?_

_How long did he have?_

“Ah, those idiots really did it this time.” Tatsuki said as she walked past him to her own desk. “Sorry about that, Ichigo. Keigo wouldn’t shut up with his lame jokes and someone took him seriously.” She placed her bag on her desk and went over to him. “Here, I’ll help you clean.”

She hadn’t moved particularly fast or anything but still Ichigo flinched when she entered his field of vision.

“Uh,” Ichigo began with an awkward smile. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I’ll do it.”

She just stared at him as if he had grown a second head, but before she could say anything Keigo and Mizuiro swooped in, gathering the flowers and cleaning his desk in record time.

Keigo laughed nervously and apologized as he cradled the flowers close to his chest,. But Ichigo waved him off because it had been harmless and it wasn’t like it had been on purpose. Still he hadn’t said anything as they crowded close to him –even Tatsuki– and didn’t let him brood on his dark thoughts even if they got reprimanded during class.

The only mention of Ichigo’s behavior had been Mizuiro’s quiet, “Are you worried?”

Ichigo smiled. “What about?”

They stared at each other, fully knowing that Ichigo was just bullshitting. In the end the shorter teen sighed and just replied, steel in his voice. “Well, we all know who you are and you will pull through just fine.”

Even if it was just wishful thinking, it alleviated the weight on his shoulders.

 

* * *

 

He got through the day without much incident, but after class lets out he declined any and all invitation for an outing and just walked a very decided beeline straight towards the Shoten.

Ichigo was a couple meters away from the Shoten when he was intercepted by Kisuke himself, who had worry written on his face for a second. Ichigo was so stunned by that fact that he froze in place.

“My, what a coincidence to see you here, Ichigo-san.” Kisuke offered, with a small flourish. Ichigo relaxed his shoulders, not realizing the high tension on them until he let it go. He accepted the unspoken invitation and together they returned to the Shoten.

They walked in silence, Ichigo’s tongue seemingly stuck to the roof of his mouth, but Kisuke didn’t seem particularly concerned about that. However as soon as they got inside the first empty room they came across, he turned to him and asked, “is everything alright?”

Desperate not to reveal the truth. Ichigo fought for something to say. And before he can sensor his words he revealed. “I’m still thinking about my father.”

“Ah,” Kisuke exclaimed, no judgement on his voice. “Do you regret it?”

“No, he deserves all I said but…”

“Sometimes it’s not about what someone deserves. I agree that Isshin is not an exemplar father but, I would think he tries his best.  I’d rather you don’t carry the guilt of just cutting him off without a chance to defend himself. You don’t owe him anything, and you don’t really depend on him, never have actually. But for your own peace of mind… let’s have a talk with him, why don’t we?”

“We?” Ichigo asked, hope in his voice.

“I could act as the moderator.”

“Weren’t you going to take my side?”

“Why, of course. Terribly biased moderator.”

 

For that, Kisuke won himself a small relieved smile.

 

 

* * *

 

Ichigo is left alone in the guest room, Kisuke having had to rush out to check on an experiment he had left unattended.

He had decided he might as well start on his homework while he was here, but apparently the room hadn’t been an empty one. He was half-way through his English essay when the door opened as Hitsugaya and Rangiku entered, their conversation halting immediately upon seeing him there.

There was a bit of an awkward staring, before Ichigo cleared his throat and began packing his things. “Hey, sorry. I was talking to Kisuke, and I just made myself at home. But I’m leaving now.”

Hitsugaya hummed, unperturbed as he sat on the bed with a sigh, Hyorinmaru by his side. “We would appreciate it.”

“You spend a lot of time with Urahara-san, don’t you?” Rangiku said, walking up to him and leaning on the desk he was trying to clear.

“Uh, I guess so?” Ichigo replied, the question leaving him off-kilter. Hitsugaya opened his eyes, leaning on his arms as he pinned Ichigo with an icy glance.

“You really do. Forgive me the indiscretion, but are you two bonded?”

Rangiku’s reaction was the most violent as she slammed both hands on the desk and hissed, “ _taicho.”_

Hitsugaya remained impassive, simply sitting back up and raising his hands, stating that he understood the gravity of what he was asking. His eyes didn’t stray from the teen’s. Ichigo felt his face heating up, averting his gaze and fiddling with the pen he had in his hand.

“Oh, um. Why… why do you ask?”

“My apologies, Kurosaki.” The short captain said. “But as you know I’ve been sent down here to lead the first responders, and ensure the safety of this town and of my people to the best of my abilities. For this I’ve brought with me two bonded pairs. You might not know this, but fighting soulmates are an incomparable asset, worth dozens of individual fighters. If there’s any chance your soulmate was also a fighter, you two would be a force to be reckoned.” His reiatsu flashed briefly in his eyes, as strategies flied inside his mind. “And of course, I would have to adapt my plans.”

“We are not so desperate we are going to _pry such information, taicho.”_ Rangiku said, her voice taut, still not forgiving her captain for this breech in trust.

“No, Rangiku-san, it’s alright.” Ichigo jumped to his feet to appease her. “I understand it’s an important thing and I… I don’t mind. Uh,” he said that, but still it was something he hadn’t ever expected to just blurt out like that. But he wanted to go out with the best plans and the best odds and so he steeled himself and said, “yes. I am bonded to Urahara Kisuke. I… I think fighting together is for the best, if you say we can be so incredible,”

“Ichigo-kun…” Rangiku mumbled. Hitsugaya nodded to himself.

“You will need to begin training ASAP on your teamwork. And your bond.”        He added as an afterthought. He looked tired. “I will inform you of the battle formation once I’m sure you will be able to fight together.” He was quiet for a second. “You have my thanks, Kurosaki Ichigo.”

 

 

* * *

 

[“You had no right to ask that.” Rangiku told Hitsugaya, staring hard at his slouched form on the bed. “No right.” She repeated, looking down at her hand digging nails into her other arm.

“It had to be done, Matsumoto.” Hitsugaya stated, with all of the power of his captaincy behind his words, at odds with his body posture. Slouched, exhausted. “It is bad enough we’re relying on a human child to fight this war. I’m doing whatever I can to make sure Kurosaki won’t have to take the brunt of it. If we can somehow stop…” The small captain sneered, hands fisting on the bed. “I say that, but if the intel is correct, Kurosaki is going to be the only one able to defeat Aizen. In such case all I can do is weaken him as much as possible beforehand.”

Rangiku was silent for a moment. “Is that really what will happen? Is Aizen really that strong?”

“It’s likely. And as humiliating as it is, Kurosaki is probably the strongest of us all. And hopefully, with Urahara Kisuke, his soulmate by his side, we’ll actually win this war.”

The conversation died and silence reigned as their own powerlessness came to the surface. Rangiku pressed her fingers over her own mark, a braid of foxgloves, tied together with a silver ribbon, that ran down her forearm.

Soulmates, huh.

What good did it do, to have a soulmate that refused to share anything about their soul? That had closed himself off so successfully she couldn’t even perceive their bond anymore.

What was a soulmate good for?

 

 

* * *

 

Ichigo was heading towards the exit when Renji popped his head out of another set of sliding doors.

“Hey, Ichigo! It’s been a while! Are you up for a spar?”

Ichigo blinked at him, completely bewildered. “Uh, sure?”

“Be prepared. I’ve been training and I will kick your butt.” Renji stated, boring his eyes into Ichigo. The teen raised his chin defiantly, a playful smirk on his lips.

“Oh, I’d like to see you try.”

 

 

When Kisuke came down the basement to fetch Ichigo so he could eat something, he found Abarai collapsed on his back, breathing hard and with his eyes wide as saucers. A distance away from him, his soulmate sat leaning heavily on Zangetsu, looking distinctly better than his opponent.

The boy spotted him immediately and directed the biggest smile he had seen on him so far. “Hey,” he said, a little breathless. “Want a go as well? I bet I can still beat you.”

Kisuke let his lips pull back into a smile, glad to see his soulmate so much more confident than as of late. “I just might do that. But I’m afraid it will have to wait for another time. Dinner is served, I came to fetch you.” He would have loved to stay and go up at the same time as Ichigo, but he still had things to attend to, now that he had so many unwelcome guests. And he didn’t want to act so out of character in front of Abarai. “I’ll see you up, then.” He said, already turning. And despite his own words he hesitated in front of the stairs and offered. “If you need a place to sleep tonight, you are more than welcome here, Kurosaki-san.”

 

Renji waited for him to leave before he finally picked himself up, cringing and wincing as all his aches just exacerbated.

He glared sullenly at the rather fresh-looking Ichigo. “You absolute bastard.”

Ichigo grinned, “told you, you can’t beat me now.”

         Renji grumbled under his breath before acknowledging. “Even your strikes are like twice as strong. What have you been doing? Training under a waterfall?”

“Uh, no.” Ichigo replied, with an arched eyebrow. “Just meditation, fighting with everyone under this roof and… with Zangetsu.”

Renji’s face sobered up. “Do you think you’ll be fighting Aizen?”

Ichigo looked back at his friend. With not much of an expression, he shrugged and said. “Yeah. I’m the strongest. I’ve proven my point, I think.” He added with a cocky grin.

Renji just rolled his eyes. “Alright, I got the point the first several times. Knock it off already.” He brushed his loose hair out of his face– already annoyed at having broken yet another hair tie. “It just doesn’t sit well with me.”

“What does?”

Renji shrugged. “I feel as if all I’ve ever done is rely on you. And yeah, you might be strong, but… well, Ichigo. You’re so young.”

Ichigo’s mood soured, a frown on his face. “Not you too.”

The redhead raised his hands, in a placating gesture. “Come on, man. Don’t get angry. You know what I mean.” Seeing as how Ichigo only half-way calmed down, he decided to divert his attention. “Besides, don’t you have already a lot of things to worry about on top of this upcoming war?”

Ichigo threw him a suspicious look. “Like what?”

Renji froze suddenly not sure this was a better topic, but he decided to go through with it anyway. “So I might have heard your argument with your father the other day.”

Ichigo averted his gaze. “Oh.”

Silence.

“And? Have anything to say about it?”

Renji cleared his throat. “Nothing much. It’s just… well, I didn’t have a family back in Inuzuri. I don’t remember having parents or anything so I can’t really say anything on it but… Well, bonds of any type should be maintained by both sides. And if someone consistently fails to deliver, then they lose any right to demand anything back. I guess what I want to say is that I’ll have your back. And damn, man. You know how to give some sick burns.”

“Uh, thanks?” Ichigo arched an eyebrow, trying not to dwell too much on the problem with his father, lest he began spiraling again. “Uh, where did you learn those words?”

“Hm?” Renji grinned, hands on his hips and looking proud of himself. “Oh Ikkaku and Yumichika have been bunking with that spindly friend of yours. Keigo, I think? They’ve been teaching me the words they’re learning.”

“Ikkaku… with Keigo?” Ichigo cringed. “Okay, now I need to call him to make sure he hasn’t died yet.”

 

* * *

 

As it turned out, he wasn’t dead, but Keigo took that chance to launch into an hour-long complaining session over the phone. Ichigo told himself that he only allowed it to last this much because he felt partly responsible for Keigo’s new guests. And declining mental state But he was embarrassingly aware that he just missed sharing a normal conversation, listening to Keigo being dramatic over every single little detail.

And as if reading his mind, Keigo asked him. “With that being said. I want to escape my house. I don’t want to die just yet. Let’s go to the arcade.” There was a pause. “Oh! Right, sorry! You’re busy, right? With fighting and all that. Do you think you could get a day off or…?”

Ichigo looked down at his clenched fists. He was so tired of feeling this strung up. He just wanted a normal day to himself. Surely he could have that? He wouldn’t be getting weaker, and it was just a day.

A day to be just a normal teenager again.

Maybe his last chance at that.

“I guess I can take a day off. Should we invite Mizuiro and Chad?”

“Aww, yeah! You’re the best!” Keigo exclaimed and Ichigo could almost see him pumping his fist to the air in victory. Ichigo chuckled and Keigo hurried to say, “oh, but you will be paying for me as an apology!” Before hanging up.

Ichigo pinched his nose. “Do these idiots think I’m made of money?”

(He still made sure to bring enough for both.)

 

 

* * *

 

“Urahara-san, may I have a minute?” Hitsugaya said as all greeting, ducking inside the kitchen where the aforementioned man was brooding over a cup of tea. The man looked up with a deceptively innocent expression.

“What can I help you with, Hitsugaya-taicho?”

“I’ve been going over the plans to contend with Aizen when the time comes.” Hitsugaya began, eyes distant. “Kurosaki will be joining us, not as a vanguard, but as a defendant, if I have anything to do with it. With that in mind, I would like to include you in this equation.”

“Me?” Kisuke asked, his expression of a goofy shopkeeper slowly disappearing to a man hardened by life. “My, Hitsugaya-taichou, you seem to have forgotten that I do not work for you. I am merely helping you because of my bleeding heart only. You would do good to remember that.”

“I am well aware of that fact.” Hitsugaya said, unflinching but tense. “Even so I would like to appeal to you, given that you are Kurosaki’s soulmate. I could leave the entire defense up to you, and I could move...”

Like a wolf facing a bigger predator, Hitsugaya’s entire body stiffened, adrenaline-spiking his senses as Urahara went very, _very still._

All traces of his shopkeeper persona, of his easy-going façade disappeared as a quiet wrath took over him. Reiatsu tendrils began grabbing hold of the shorter captain, trying to trap him, trying to smother him. Hitsugaya’s entire body screamed at him to _run_ when he was silly enough to try looking into his eyes.  

 Before he could suffocate by the unexpected killing intent, it all disappeared so suddenly that Hitsugaya felt dizzy for a second.

“My,” Kisuke said, his light tone juxtaposed with its tightness. “I wouldn’t have thought my personal life was of interest to the Gotei.”

Hitsugaya was honest-to-god frightened, but he wasn’t a captain for nothing. “It is just for the purpose of this mission. I would not have asked otherwise. And…” here he managed to lock eyes with him. “You have done enough for the Gotei, despite everything. You have my word that I will not let this knowledge be used against you.” He waited for a couple seconds, sweat beading on his forehead. When he got no answer, Hitsugaya bobbed his head and bowed out of there, trying too hard not to look as if he was running away.

 

 

* * *

 

Meanwhile Ichigo had finally met up with his friends, had shared a knowing smile with Chad and if for just a day, he shed his worries, his responsibilities as he played with his friends.

As if to tell him to stop kidding himself, soon into the evening he began feeling a sense of dread.

It didn’t differ much from his usual sentiments so he didn’t give it much thought. He tried ignoring it to the best of his abilities, but the feeling kept growing, growing and the strangest thing was the seed of anger amidst the fear.

At one point he finally thought that maybe.

Maybe this wasn’t his own feelings.

“Ichigo?” Chad was the first to notice, carrying in his arms all the prizes he, Mizuiro and Keigo had gotten. The substitute Shinigami had given most of his to them, and just kept a cheap punk bracelet for himself.

Mizuiro looked his way discreetly, Keigo quietened down.

“It’s nothing. I’m okay.” Ichigo lied with a smile. Wrong move.

These people actually knew when he was faking it.

“Hm,” Mizuiro hummed, eyes shrewd and trained on his. “Maybe you should head back before us.”

“What, no I can go with you. Make sure nothing happens to you.”

“Wait am I your girlfriend now?” Keigo asked, pressing his cheeks in an exaggerated gesture. “Oh my god, when did this happen!?”

Ichigo rolled his eyes hard enough to strain himself. “Okay, you can go back alone.”

While the teen pouted about being dumped, Mizuiro nudged Ichigo softly. “But seriously. If there’s something worrying you, you should go. It was fun, we’ll be fine on our own.”

They continued walking in silence for a couple minutes. As the dread continued building, an urgent pull growing within him, Ichigo finally gave up.

“Right then.” He said. “See you at school.”

And he jogged off.

(Finally acknowledged, the pull grew, directing to the Shoten and Ichigo was frightening aware that it was his soulmate’s bond he had been ignoring.)

 

* * *

 

He barged into the shop with a bit more force than necessary, slightly out of breath as he sought out his soulmate.

He found him in his bedroom, with the lights off and even though he was staring straight at him, the dread did not vanish.

“Kisuke-san? Is everything alright? Kisuke-san?” Ichigo asked, as he entered the room. The dread continued building. It differed from his normal fears, which had taken him some time to figure out, but now it began to mingle with his owns.

The man stared back at him, expressionless.

 “…Kisuke-san?”

All traces of familiarity, of fondness were gone from his face. “Ichigo-san, I’m afraid I will have to ask you to leave.”

The nail of dread grew into a blade.

“But-“

His surroundings darkened by comparison as pure reiatsu glowed in Kisuke’s silver eyes– the same shade as his deadly blade.

_“Leave.”_

Ichigo tripped over himself on his way out.

The blade of dread seemed to cut a hole in his soul, creating a void that only grew. His world began disappearing, he didn’t know where he was going, he didn’t know where he was, but he was… he was…

Lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It gets better. Then it'll get worse. Then it'll get better again, I guess.  
> Hang in there, people.I'm thinking this story has 2-3 more chapters + an epilogue for it to bed. Hopefully it'll be before the year ends. We'll see how it goes.
> 
> Don't forget to drop a comment!


	9. Chapter 9

Rukia was the one to find him.

 

She had immediately run there upon hearing about Ichigo’s disappearance from captain Hitsugaya, not having stayed to ask what had happened, or why had Kisuke not gone after his own soulmate.

Ichigo was sitting alone by the riverbank, eyes on the flowing river. To a normal bystander he could have been staring off into nothing, but Rukia knew where to look.

She saw the way his hands were balled into white-knuckled fists. The way his lips were pursed. And the way his eyes were vacant, blank.

“Ichigo,” she had tried, voice soft, movements slow as if facing a skittish animal. She stopped herself from asking the simple, stupid questions. He was not alright, and this was obvious. Instead, she walked closer and asked. “Can I sit with you?”

The boy gulped and moved his neck jerkily, but didn’t actually say no. Rukia took a seat by his side, as she stared at the horizon as well.

She didn’t say anything.

They sat there, side by side until Ichigo could draw in a deep breath and mumble, “Rukia I think I screwed up.”

“How?”

Ichigo looked away and didn’t answer.

Rukia nodded and looked to the horizon again.

 

Before Ichigo could gather the courage to continue, Hisagi found them, mother-hen worry on his face. “What are you two doing here? Everyone is looking for you.”

Ichigo glanced at him, before tightening his arms around himself. “Sorry.”

Hisagi’s face relaxed. “No, it’s not an accusation, Ichigo. I just… hm. Do you want some company?”

Ichigo looked a bit embarrassed, shrugged his shoulders. “Whatever.”

The young teen soon became squeamish with the bonded pair on either side of him. It reminded him of…

“Hey.” He asked, feeling the guilt, the pain, the empty void that should be his soulmate. “Can… Have…”

Rukia extended a hand, letting it rest on his knee, as encouragement.

Ichigo looked down at it, as if it could center him. “Kisuke hates me,” he blurted out, words escaping his traitorous lips. He inhaled sharply, as he shrunk in on himself but didn’t add anything else.

“Did you guys have a fight?” Hisagi asked so softly it almost made Ichigo want to punch him. Or hug him. But the words are enough for a confession to bubble up from his chest again.

“I don’t know; I- I don’t understand how… I don’t know what happened. He was just… so _furious_ and- but we hadn’t even spoken… Maybe that was why? Maybe I ignored him too much? Was it my fault? I knew I felt something was off, but I never… I didn’t think much of it because I couldn’t… I didn’t know it was _him_! Do you think that’s why he was mad? Was it my fault?”

Rukia blinked at him, surprised by the amount of energy coming from the restless teen. This time it was Hisagi who reached forward and rested a hand on his shoulders. “I’m not too sure what you’re talking about but… Urahara-san is mad at you?”

Ichigo curled into a tighter ball, eyes wide and horrified. “He’s not mad, he’s… god, I think he hates me…”

Rukia and Hisagi bounced concern through their soulbond, wordless and worried before Rukia tried again, trying to give some conviction back to their friend. “There’s no way he could hate you, Ichigo.” She paused, before adding. “Did he say anything to you?”

Ichigo looked down at his lap, letting his eyebrows knit together. “He just told me to leave.”

“Maybe you’re just overreacting?” Hisagi tried to reason, a hand on his shoulder. “Your soulbond is quite recent, perhaps…”

Ichigo gave a wry chuckle, shrugging his hand off. “I would know if it was that. Right now all I can feel from him is… is a wall. A deep well… I don’t know. I don’t know what it is, or how to describe it but I can’t feel him. And it’s because of something I did, I’m sure. Because I’m one oblivious idiot and-”

His short friend wasn’t having that. “Look, Ichigo. You’re barely getting to know each other. Soulmates are… Very special bonds, it’s like…”

“Finding yourself.” Hisagi said in a whisper as Rukia dwindled into a thoughtful silence. She smiled at him and immediately knew how to continue.

“Discovering who you really are.”

“And still, you are different people. You feel, you see things differently. Soulmates aren’t like two puzzle pieces fitting together.” Hisagi continued as they both took turns to speak.

“That would mean that both of you are rigid and unchanging. And that you’ll just magically click together with your soulmate. That’s just a nice bedtime story.”

“It’s more like, meeting a very special friend. More like clay and a potter’s wheel. Only that you are both the clay and the wheel at the same time.”

Ichigo gave them a half smile. “I get that you’re trying to cheer me up, but seeing you do the soulmate-y thing of finishing each other’s sentences is not really helping.”

Both drew back with the exact same expression of surprise on their faces, looking so guilty that it managed to force a chuckle out of Ichigo’s constrained chest.

“That a… nice way of seeing it. I’d just never…” Ichigo’s voice wavered, and he stopped to swallow the lump in his throat. “I… feel as if I had always known him, but also getting to know him as we talk. It’s odd and it’s awful too because… because there’s so much I don’t _know_ and I don’t have the time to wait, but I also really like him and…” The smile disappeared from his face and didn’t add anything else.

“Ichigo…” Rukia frowned. “What do you mean you don’t have time? You are young! Of course you have the time to get to know your soulmate!”

When all Ichigo did was look away sharply, Hisagi bit his lip in worry.

He still remembered the distraught expression the boy had worn after meditating that cold winter morning.

“Are you worried about the upcoming war?”

Ichigo flinched and shrunk on himself and refused to answer.

Hisagi opened his mouth, unsure of what exactly he was going to say when his soulmate went ahead and slapped Ichigo’s head hard enough to jerk his head forward.

After a stunned moment, Ichigo turned to her, looking completely indignant. “Ow, what the _hell_ , you lunatic woman!? What’s your problem!?”

“What is yours, Ichigo?” Rukia replied, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest. There was a challenge hanging in the air. And, true to his character, Ichigo looked back into her eyes and matched her.

He held her gaze as he waited for her words. Hisagi did not miss the exhausted posture or his hunched shoulders.

“You are one of the strongest men I’ve had the honor to meet, we believe in your potential, we believe that you will come out of this war on top, why don’t you?”

Ichigo sighed. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Well if you don’t explain it to us, how do you expect us to know? How do you expect anyone to know?”

Ichigo rubbed his hand against his forehead as if forcing a migraine away. He opened his mouth and for one long second it looked as if he was going to talk.

Then he just deflated.

“I’m just scared, okay? I’m scared of facing off Aizen.”

 

Rukia was not stupid enough not to notice that there was still a deep doubt seeded in Ichigo’s very soul, but she doubted she could force the subject. Not yet at least.

 

“But you aren’t the one meant to defeat Aizen. I heard the plans from Hitsugaya-taicho, you’re going to be in charge of defending the pillars.” She explained, eager to ease his fears. This was their war; he didn’t deserve to be so scared.

Ichigo’s scowl deepened. “What?”

“Yeah, didn’t he discuss it with you… oh, he was going to tell you today he probably didn’t have the time…”

“Wait but… My father… The technique he wants me to learn is to defeat Aizen… there’s no use if I’m just a defense.” He shook his head as if clearing his ideas. “Besides, who else is strong enough to face him?”

Hisagi scowled. “Technique?”

A thrum of confusion was sent through his bond over to Rukia.

Ichigo wasn’t meeting either of their eyes. “Yes, a technique. For defeating Aizen. So, I don’t know why you’re trying to lie to me but-”

“Lie to you?!” Rukia inhaled sharply. “Do you think so poorly of us as to-”

 _Stand down_. Hisagi told her, eyes glaring up at her and making her snap her mouth shut.

“Ichigo,” he said, garnering the teen’s attention. “Hitsugaya-taicho already briefed us about the battle tactics. He wants you to be on the stand-by. He wants the Gotei to deal with our own problems, but he acknowledges that there’s a chance we might need you.”

Rukia sighed, deflated unto herself and shot Ichigo an infuriated scowl. “There’s a chance you might be the strongest one of us. We are aware, that no matter your age, you are too powerful to be exempt from fighting, as cruel as it sounds. But that doesn’t mean we’re going to be tossing you out to the hounds on your own.”

Ichigo shrugged, and nodded and accepted their words with a quiet mumble.

He believed them, of course he did.

But that did not mean that he was deluded enough not to think he wouldn’t be facing Aizen on his own.

(Time. Time. He was running out of time.)

 

 

* * *

 

“You are, an irredeemable idiot.” Yoruichi said, voice husky and dangerous and not the smallest bit playful despite managing to sneak her way through Kisuke’s traps once more. “What did you say to your soulmate?”

Kisuke side-eyed her, quiet anger simmering under the surface. “Do get out, Yoruichi-san.”

“Not until you answer me.” Yoruichi said, and it’s both a promise and a threat. “What happened?”

“Contrary to what the majority of you seem to think, it’s none of your business.”

Yoruichi saw it. She saw the wariness, the unease. He was scared.

Of what?

Kisuke looked away from her. But she hadn’t been his superior officer for so long not to see right through him. She hadn’t been his long-time friend not to recognize and put the puzzle together. Her shoulders dropped. “You are not in the Onmitsukidou anymore, Kisuke.”

“What are you implying?” Kisuke snapped at her, hackles rising. “Of course I know that.”

“Well correct me if I’m wrong but… You’re pissed at Ichigo for revealing your soulbond to the Gotei, am I right?”

Surprisingly enough, Kisuke’s anger receded as confusion sprouted on his face. “…Why would I be angry at him?”

“That’s… not why you’re angry?” Yoruichi said slowly, not fully believing he was being honest. His eyes looked away from her, a small frown of confusion marring his usually unflappable features. “Are you angry at-?”

“Could you stop trying to dissect me?” The Shinigami exile’s voice was flat, but not less dangerous. “What does it matter anyway? Why do you care, why do you care so much?”

“You seriously are asking because you don’t know?” Yoruichi replied, arms crossed over her chest. “I’m your friend, you insufferable idiot. And I feel the obligation of making sure that your _soulmate_ won’t end up running in your opposite direction because your stupid ass can device a perfect fail-safe plan, but is emotionally challenged.” Her features softened. “It’s not like I can blame you.”

The invitation for vulnerability was rebuffed as Kisuke lowered his chin, standing his ground. “What is your aim with coming here, Yoruichi-san?”

“I just told you.”

The realization made Kisuke’s temper rear its head again, but the misplaced anger was now directed at himself. “Ah… I really…”

“You don’t really have to tell me anything. I just want you to be happy.” She said, opting for simple, brutal honesty. “And that boy makes you happy, simple as that.”

Kisuke sneered at that. “Do I seem happy to you, Yoruichi-san?”

“Did he really do anything?” Yoruichi challenged him. Kisuke made as if to reply but she quietened him with a sharp hand movement. “Think to yourself. Did he do something that warranted your ire?”

“Why do you keep taking his side, I wonder…” Kisuke mumbled to himself, as he debated whether it was worth telling her.

“Neither of you are Onmitsukidou. He’s a human child. Did he really do you wrong?”

“Yoruichi-san…”

_“Did he?”_

Kisuke exhaled through his teeth, expression fierce. “I know.” He whispered in the resulting silence. His reiatsu was still filling the room with tension. “I know he’s not at fault.”

“Then, what’s this behavior? Why did he run away from the shop in utter despair?”

“I… understand. It’s easy to rationalize but…” Kisuke swallowed. “I… he revealed my most precious secret to the Gotei.”

“He did that because he fears for his life.” Yoruichi began, accusingly, “because he trusts Toushiro enough to share that. He did that because in this day and age, it is safe to reveal your soulbond. Kisuke, even the upstanding pups of the Gotei are open about it– you yourself know how much stronger bonded fighters are.”

“I know; I know Yoruichi-san. I’m not an idiot.” Kisuke whispered, with a bowed back. “I know… yet…”

“He revealed it without previous consent. Without discussing it with you.” Yoruichi shrugged. “I find that as distasteful as you. But I do think you’re exaggerating. It was an honest mistake. Don’t shut him out for it.”

Kisuke frowned at nothing in particular as he lifted a hand to his soulmark. As if to mock him, words he had said what felt like a lifetime ago, came back to him.

_“I’m not. I swear to you, Ichigo-san, I will never shut you out.”_

He closed his eyes.

“He was heartbroken,” he mumbled sadly. “He was so scared. And it was my fault.”

“You can fix it, Kisuke. I know you can.”

Kisuke knew he was being a coward, but still he said. “I still do need some time for myself. If you would be so kind.”

“Of course.” Yoruichi nodded in understanding and strode for the exit–her mission accomplished.

 

Kisuke had about five seconds of peace and silence, before a new unwelcome voice reached him from the entrance of his room.

 

“Um, Shihoin-san, hello. Is he available? I just wanted to…”

Kisuke looked skyward to ask for patience before turning to face the Tenth’s Division vice-captain in the flesh as she hesitatingly entered his room. He was momentarily annoyed both at her and at Yoruichi for not stopping her.

“Hello, Urahara-san. How do you do?”

He smiled ruefully. “While I normally can boast of being a great host, I am not in the mood, Matsumoto-san. Please state your business and I’ll see what I can do to-”

A grimace immediately crossed her face, her head bowing. “I just came here to apologize.”

“Apologize? Whatever for? Have you naughty children broken anything?”

“No, um. As you are probably well aware of, um.” She clutched at her lower arm, as if seeking strength from the gesture. “Hitsugaya-taicho asked a very sensitive question of Ichigo. It was not his place. Ichigo took it well, but still… he shouldn’t have.”

Kisuke closed his eyes. “Well, I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks that.” He looked back at her. “And? What are you going to do about it? Words mean nothing to me.”

Matsumoto stared at him, looking older than she really was. “Then I cannot do anything. Hitsugaya-taicho is a well-respected captain for a reason. He will not tattle. He asked for one reason alone.”

Kisuke actually turned his body to her. “And why, Matsumoto-san, why do you care?”

The smile she directed at him is mocking, the sentiment probably aimed at herself. “Because soulmates can fall apart, can be separated so thoroughly that one party might as well have died. I would not like to see that happen to Ichigo-kun. Not if I can avoid it. Not if it was our fault.”

Kisuke nodded gravely, closing his eyes for a moment. “I see.”

Silently, tiredly, the former captain rose to his feet and walked to the exit. He didn’t acknowledge Matsumoto’s bow, or presence as he departed.

He had a soulmate to find.

 

* * *

Kisuke walked away from prying eyes, without a real direction in mind. His thoughts were still a mess of tangled worries and emotions, and he had only just noticed the rift he himself had created in their soulbond.

The former Onmitsukidou officer rose a hand to his chest, touching his soulmark. Had he really overreacted?

Now that he had space to breathe, Yoruichi’s words made him rethink his decisions, his reactions.

He tried recalling his brief time as a captain of the Gotei. He did remember how bonded pairs were announced almost daily– the memory as clear as the dark hole that the Onmitsukidou had been.

The dogs of the Onmitsukidou couldn’t have soulmates. That was a weakness, a liability.

And honestly, they didn’t deserve that happiness.

Or…

Or so he had thought.

Kisuke shivered briefly, as a breeze blew over the empty rooftop he had found himself in. Yoruichi had been so meddling and bothersome, though. She had probably foreseen his negative reaction and made sure to…

To what?

To make sure he didn’t drive his soulmate away?

Was this her way of showing that he did deserve to…?

Kisuke sighed, loudly in the empty rooftop. He was just rolling that same question over and over again and expecting to find a different answer.

Could he really dare have a soulmate?

He was an idiot.

Even if he wasn’t worthy of it…

Ichigo deserved better.

He was meant to be an adult, surely he could deal this situation with words and explanations instead of mindless fury.

Misplaced, and misdirected anger.

Honestly, if Ichigo didn’t want anything to do with him he wouldn’t blame him.

Kisuke raised trembling hands to his chest, at the height of his soul sleep, reluctance and fear making an uncomfortable pressure in his chest.

He breathed in, out and tried reaching out into his soulbond, trying to find Ichigo.

 

In terms of soulmate bonds, given his background as an assassination tool– he probably knew as much as Ichigo himself.

Which is why he was not expecting to get sucked into his Inner World in his attempt to reach Ichigo.

Only that it wasn’t really his Inner World.

 

It resembled it. In the bizarre world he found himself in, with sideways buildings and a sideways sky, he recognized the beautiful patterned fabric wound around them, the blood-red and gold almost like a beacon that pointed to a modern-styled skyscraper with shogi doors.

The sky was clouded and it was raining sideways. Normally he would have been intrigued both at the physics involved and at the fact that he wasn’t getting wet, but somehow all it evoked was a sense of desolation.

Unsure of where he was, but knowing to trust his gut, Kisuke made his way there. He walked over the red fabric, treating it as a firm floor– almost like a spider on her web.

On his way, he noticed a gold string of silk tied to his right pinky. The other end could not be seen, as it disappeared below him, winding around many more kilometric and colorful silk fabric, and overarching buildings. Without hesitation, he tugged at it, calling whoever was on the other side.

It unnerved him not being sure where he was, and it was even worse that it somehow hadn’t sparked any sensation of dread or wariness. He felt warm, and at home.

At this moment, he felt undeserving of it.

“You self-deprecating fool.” A voice said behind him. Without turning around Kisuke knew who it was.

“A pleasure to see you as well, Benihime.” He said, adding a token courtesy even though she was still at his back. He waited a beat but she remained where she was, in silence. “Would you happen to know where we are?”

“Do I? Don’t you?”

Kisuke smiled to himself. “If I had to take a guess I would have to say that I am in some sort of … mindscape. Something you have woven out of my own Inner World, perhaps?”

“Close, but not quite.”

“Are you going to let me know?”

“If you can figure it out on your own.”

But before Kisuke could continue wracking his brain for an answer, air was displaced all around him. Between one heartbeat and the next, Benihime was in front of him, clashing swords with a white-colored figure.

Kisuke had to confess he was a tad confused. Because Benihime’s playmate looked exactly like Ichigo in his Shinigami attire. A white-washed copy of Ichigo– with gold-over-black eyes and a feral smile.

“Princess,” the Ichigo-copy purred, as he eased from one strike to the next with coy disposition. Benihime matched him with ease, more of a deadly dance than actual combat.

“Would that make you a prince, I wonder.” She mumbled even as she dropped her stance with a shrill scream of their blades and clutched his right arm with fierce possessiveness.

The white-Ichigo laughed, but allowed it. Despite his appearance, his behavior was much unlike the man he resembled. “My deepest apologies, for I am nothing but a Horse.”

The white-sleeve of his shihakusho she was clutching began turning red– red like blood, red like the imperial robes Benihime wore.

Benihime released him, and Kisuke could almost feel her satisfaction at seeing the mark she had left on the other.

“Your wielder?”

“On his way, the Old Man is trying to get him here.” The still nameless man said, while appreciating the new color of his sleeve.

“You will guide him to us.” She commanded, with a sniff as she continued walking towards the Shogi door in front of them. Ichigo’s copy side-stepped out of her way with a smile, watching her go.

“Aye aye, your highness.”

She didn’t beckon him, but Kisuke found himself following after his blade, giving the foreign, Hollow-eyed man a cursory glance as they passed by each other.

 

Behind the shogi doors, there was a room in which all of the different fabrics converged together to form a tapestry of sorts, overlapping meters covering the floor. Benihime walked over all of that until she reached a high-raised platform nested between overarching curtains. Kisuke took his position at her feet, a white cushion already set out for him and waited.

Benihime seemed amused but pleased by it as she too folded her hands over her lap, back straight, chin up.

 

Kisuke’s mind was abuzz with thoughts and questions, but he understood what his Zanpakuto was expecting of him, even if the prolonged silence was excruciating.

He sat there, the minutes ticking by, the questions burning his lips, his chest, as he wondered if Ichigo’s white copy was in fact, Zangetsu.

The place he was in was already as surreal as it got; how much weirder could it get to see someone else’s Zanpakuto spirit?

But why would Zangetsu look the way he did?

 

The shogi doors opened again before he could land that thought.

In walked Ichigo’s lookalike, blade drawn but kept in a loose hold as he nodded at them both and stood to the side to allow someone else to enter.

Ichigo walked in next, flanked by some tall, dark-haired gentleman with a billowing cloak wrapped around his figure. He cut a dark, imposing figure, with long hair and piercing eyes behind his oversized sunglasses.

The teen looked small and tired as he took in each person in the room and then kept his eyes firmly glued to the elegant patchwork that was the floor. “What is this? When is someone explaining me where the fuck I am?”

The unknown cloaked man –who was he? – gently took Ichigo’s left hand –Kisuke felt something loosen within him when he finally noticed the golden thread tied around Ichigo’s right pinky– in his to draw his attention. “Sometimes, the answer is in plain sight.” He said. “You only need to see.”

Ichigo bit his lip, as he scanned his surroundings once more. His eyes landed briefly on Kisuke, on Benihime, but they quickly flickered away. “Yeah, well I would have assumed I was in my inner world. But these don’t belong there.”

The Ichigo-lookalike, who Kisuke would name Zangetsu until he was proven otherwise, snorted and crossed his arms as the cloaked man nodded his approval.

Ichigo squinted dubiously between the both of them, before continuing. “So… Maybe I’m someplace like that. Maybe of your own design? Is this a test of some sort? Because I am not in the fucking mood for that.”

Kisuke looked back at Benihime and almost vocalized his discontentment to see her still commanding for his silence.

He needed to fix his mistakes.

“It may as well be a test, but not for you, Little King.” Benihime spoke, her voice clear and regal as she regarded the spooked teen.

“Um, do I know you?” Ichigo said dubiously, still the image of disrespect. Then his eyes immediately widened as he looked from blade to wielder. “Wait, are you Benihime?”

Her cherry red lips curved into a smile. Her eyes twinkled from behind her half-face mask. “Indeed I am, Little King.”

Ichigo’s lips thinned. He chanced a look at Kisuke again. “I don’t understand.”

Zangetsu approaching his wielder and softly guided him by the arm to be seated between Benihime and Kisuke. “You will.” He promised.

Ichigo couldn’t help but stare in awe at Benihime’s imposing figure. With her crimson, billowing robes, a shade darker than her striking hair, and the imperial crown woven in her hair, she looked like one of the emperors of old. Only far more lethal. And beautiful. Her eyes were hidden behind a half mask of intricate silver patterns, but when he felt their eyes meeting, Ichigo immediately shrunk away.

“Little King, why do you avoid our gaze?”

Ichigo flinched, as he looked up at the imposing spirit then back down at his lap. “Um,” he began, hesitant. “It’s nothing, really I just- I guess you could say I got involved in a fight with your wielder, and I don’t know why and I don’t understand what I did wrong but I guess I could begin by apologizing to you and when I wake up or whatever I probably should apologize to your wielder, yeah.”

Uncharacteristically to her, Benihime did not seem to mind the nervous barrage of words from the teen, instead simply nodding along. She cocked her head to a side as she scrutinized him, her long cascading locks of crimson creating a curtain on her side. “I do not accept your apology. I am a blade. I am blood and blossoming ideas. Who you need to talk to is my sensible wielder.” She declared with a slight nod at the figure seated in front of her.

Ichigo froze.

“Oh no.” He said. Visibly shaken as he slowly looked away from Benihime to the still silent Kisuke. It hurt him to see the quiet terror flit through his soulmate’s eyes. “Is that you?”

Kisuke hesitated in the face of Ichigo’s unease but slowly, he nodded his head, carefully gauging Ichigo’s mounting panic.

“I’m so sorry.” Ichigo said, “I didn’t… think it was you. I- I mean, I’m sorry for… I don’t-don’t know what I did wrong, but I’m sorry. I’m sorry and I won’t do it again, and I’ll make it up for you if you tell me how but I- but I-”

Zangetsu had jumped to his feet, feral growl in place, his blade making an outward arch that got caught in one of the cascading silks that hung from the roof. It rang loudly like metal against metal and the fabric did not break. His eyes were vibrant and zeroed on Kisuke.

Benihime snorted derisorily but did not deem him with more.

There was silence.

Kisuke stared at his soulmate in something like resigned sadness. “I appear to have made you feel ill at ease once more.”

Ichigo flinched, but somehow his back seemed to straighten ever so slightly.

Kisuke looked down at his lap. “I feel like, I should apologize as well, for reacting the way I did. I escalated the situation on my own and let out all my confused feelings on you. For that I apologize as well.”

Ichigo shuddered with the tiny sigh of relief that escaped his lips. Benihime was still silent as she judged each man in the room.

“But what did I do wrong? What did I do, Kisuke?”

Kisuke looked at him, sighed and looked down at his clasped hands as he organized his thoughts. “Did you talk with Hitsugaya-taicho today?”

Ichigo frowned, confused as to what that had to do with anything. “Y-yeah, I did. Why?”

“What did you talk about?”

“Uh, the upcoming fight. How-how he didn’t want me to fight against Aizen if he could help it –which is frankly ridiculous, I mean.”

“Did he ask you about your soulmate? About who it was?”

“Yeah, I think he did. Did he tell you this?”

Kisuke frowned at him. “Does it not matter to you?”

Ichigo reeled back, shoulders tight. “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t understand how you told him so easily, as if. As if I didn’t matter at all to you. As if you weren’t sharing our most intimate secret.”

“What… what are you talking about?”

Kisuke looked at him. “Our soulbond is sacred, Ichigo.”

“I-I know that!”

“Then why are your lips so loose when it comes to protecting that secret?” No. Stop. He came here to bring Ichigo back, not to continue fighting a war he had started with himself.

Ichigo too, seemed to have had enough of it. With a trembling voice, a shaken expression he demanded to know. “But what are you talking about? What secret?! Since when has it been a secret our bond? Rukia knows! As well as Hisagi! You didn’t have any problems with that! Yoruichi knows as well, and I’m sure Tessai-san too!”

Kisuke listened to him and sighed again. “I know.”

_“Then what are you talking about?”_

“I know it shouldn’t affect me. I know other people don’t see any problem with sharing it, and until now the people that knew had been under your sphere of protection, as well as mine. Neither of them would willingly hurt you. But Hitsugaya-taicho…”

Ichigo was still desperate and latched to those words like a drowning man. “Did… did you not want me to tell him? Is that it?”

“…I suppose it is.”

“But why?”

“Because having a soulmate is a liability.”

“…what?”

“You have expressed an interest in knowing about the Onmitsukidou. I believe I owe you an explanation.”

Ichigo’s heart hurt. He wasn’t sure if because he had unknowingly hurt his soulmate, or because he knew so little of this man that he had slighted him without even knowing it.

“Only if you forgive me.” Petty. He felt so petty, but he felt so wrung out, so tight at the seams. Ichigo dared look up.

Kisuke was staring at him in a way that gave him hope. His brow was furrowed in concern, his hands clasped tightly on his lap. “Of course I forgive you. My ire was completely irrational and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

Kisuke then looked back to his hands, as he wondered if he was really doing this, and what would be the best way to start.

Before he could try saying anything, however, Benihime got up, her layered kimono billowing and flowing like a stream of blood. “It is not necessary that we remain here. Both of you are vulnerable to the outside world, and this is a talk you can have there. I trust that you will take the necessary precautions.” This last bit was aimed towards her wielder, already on his feet and nodding along.

“It was a pleasure knowing you, Little King.”

“I, uh, yeah. You too.” Ichigo eloquently said, tripping over his words in his surprise at being addressed. Zangetsu snickered beside him and even his Other heaved a sigh. He chanced a look up, wondering if he had offended her, but she was smiling down at him. So instead of rephrasing his words, he bowed and said. “Thank you for bringing us here. And for listening.”

Her laughter rang like wind chimes.

“Until we meet again.”

 

* * *

Ichigo woke up.

Disoriented and confused, Ichigo sat up from the unfamiliar bed and came face-to-face with none other than Chad.

Right. Rukia and Hisagi had taken him to his friend’s house.

He rubbed at his eyes. Had everything been a dream?

“Ichigo, are you feeling better?” His friend asked, a frown of concern on his face. “You went to sleep so suddenly, I was worried.”

Ichigo blinked. “Sorry. I… was summoned.”

“Summoned?”

Ichigo rubbed his chest absently as he tried explaining. “I’m not too sure how it all works, but Shinigami can meditate and access their soul. I guess. Anyway, Zangetsu called me there to go someplace else. I think it was like a common space between my own Inner World and Kisuke’s.”

Chad nodded along and smiled. “So did you solve things already?”

Ichigo blushed, feeling that he had become too transparent lately. “Yeah, kinda. Actually I need to leave. He promised to explain more in person.”

Rukia, of course it was her, sprung to her legs, leaning into his personal space. “Did you solve your problem? Is everything alright? Do you need us to-?”

“Stay here and make sure Rukia doesn’t stalk you. I’ll do that.” Hisagi cut her off, his face a mix between relief and fond exasperation as he gently tugged at her ankle from his place on the floor.

Now that his bond with Kisuke was restored, and that he wasn’t alone in the universe anymore, he couldn’t really help the small bubble of laughter that burst out of his chest. His cheeks felt hot when all three of his friends fell silent as they stared at him. He hurried to his feet.

“So, yeah. Uh, gotta go. Chad it was nice seeing you. Hisagi good luck with the guitar.” And then he promptly ran away before Rukia could deck him in the face or something similar.

 

He kept up a calm jog, and he succeeded in reaching the Shoten more or less presentable. He was barely just gathering his nerves to walk in, when the shop’s doors opened and out walked Kisuke himself.

 

The both of them hesitated, but before an awkward silence could settle between them, Kisuke bowed, bucket hat in hand.

“Care to go for a walk, Ichigo-san?”

 

 

 

* * *

The silence between them was almost suffocating Ichigo, but he could see Kisuke ordering his thoughts, tension coming and going with them.

Then he sighed. Releasing all the tension in that movement. “Ichigo-san, I don’t…”

“No, don’t say that.” Ichigo cut him off, shoulders tense and a knot in his throat. “Start whenever, from wherever point you wish to start. But don’t say that you think I’m not going to take this well. Please.”

A beat of silence.

Then Kisuke’s tension began bleeding away as a smile made way to his face. “I was actually just going to say that I don’t know where to begin. But I have to say that your reassurance is appreciated.”

Ichigo suddenly felt like the human version of a boiling tea kettle. He bit his tongue and waited.

For a while, their footsteps and the distant noise of the city were the only sounds that could be heard. And then Kisuke drew a breath and began.

“A long time ago, I was rescued from the streets of Rukongai. I was offered a chance to serve the Shihoin clan and the Gotei. And I was inducted into the Onmitsukidou.”

And so he told him.

About the harsh and brutal conditions, he was raised in. About how they had to sever all ties with the outside world. Any possible weakness. How it was beaten into them that a soulmate was a liability. And an undeserved reward for them. How the one unfortunate bonded pair to have found each other inside the Onmitsukidou was used as an example. A lesson.

“We weren’t treated as living beings most of the time. We were meant to be weapons. And weapons weren’t meant to have weaknesses. And they were right. It was a dangerous thing. They tried crushing us. But what we learned was to protect our bond with our lives. Nobody would control us. Nobody would harm us if nobody knew about it.”

And just this, even just this was enough to make Ichigo’s head dizzy with thoughts and feelings and an irrational anger towards a faceless monster.

But Kisuke wasn’t done. “I was a good soldier. I played by their rules, did everything they asked. And in return I could have my toys. I could research and develop. This is how I met Yoruichi-san. This is how I got out. But this is also the reason I have so much blood in my hands. I might have been a cog in the machine, but I reaped innocent souls, Ichigo. And… if the Gotei, or anyone else tries using that, using my past, my faults, to harm you…”

Kisuke stopped talking when Ichigo’s reiatsu continued increasing in a furious wave.

His fingers clenched into fists– a testament to his nervousness. “My apologies, I know this is an unfair thing to you but-”

“ _Don’t you fucking start.”_ Ichigo said, his voice low and maybe slightly Hollow. His hands were balled into fists, as he stared ahead of him into nothing. “I’m not angry at you, so shut up.”

Kisuke was so surprised that he simply nodded in silence.

Ichigo lifted his hands to his face, pressing his palms against his eyes. “It’s too fucking unfair. I can’t- I can’t believe that was how you grew up. I-I wish I could have been there. That I could have known you back then and dragged you out.”

Kisuke stopped walking altogether. “Excuse me?”

“It makes me so angry to know how much you suffered and that I couldn’t have possibly prevented it. You- you deserve better. You are a better person than what you think.”

“I fear that you have missed my point.”

Ichigo scowled at him, his anger simmering under his skin. “What I get is that some asshole hurt you. Made you sully your hands because you were desperate to have a place to belong to. I-I’m pissed!”

“Ichigo-san.”

“And they even threatened you with using your soulmate against you?! How fucking messed up-”

“Ichigo-san, do calm down.” Kisuke said, unmindful of the uncontrolled waves of reiatsu flowing out of his soulmate. Somehow, they warmed his heart. “I appreciate the sentiment. As surprising as it is. But that is all in the past, you shouldn’t be getting angry at them. They didn’t break me, and they don’t deserve you even thinking about them.”

Ichigo seemed to choke on thin air, as he cast him a wary glance. “It’s just maddening. I had no idea…”

“It’s just how my life has been. But, as Yoruichi-san so eloquently put it. I am not there anymore. I shouldn’t be ashamed or scared of letting the world know I have a soulmate. And you shouldn’t suffer for it.”

Ichigo shook his head. “No, no. I mean, it’s nice if you can think that way, but… but I can’t really fault you for being wary. I didn’t… It’s such a normal thing here, that I- I _should have talked it out with you at the very least._ ” His hands were twitchy, and he looked so horrified that it made Kisuke want to hold him close and never let go. “I- I must have looked like a complete asshole to you. Like, nobody had warned you that it was normal, nobody was there to tell you that things can be different outside that hellhole. I… I should have been that someone. I shouldn’t have-”

“Ichigo-san. Please calm down. What is done is done, and perhaps it wasn’t the ideal path either of us would have wanted for all of this to come to light, but I suppose that all we can do from here is learn about our experiences and mistakes and grow from there.”

Ichigo looked at him, eyes wide and hopeful. Kisuke smiled at him.

“With that being said, I suppose we do have to discuss our role in the upcoming war, don’t you agree?”

Ichigo’s trepidation returned tenfold, but he remained outwardly calm. “Oh, yeah. What about it?”

Kisuke gave him an odd look but didn’t say anything. It was simply assimilated and tucked away for further analysis. For now, he felt that he had to reassure him. “I would be honored to fight by your side.”

Ichigo swallowed hard and instead of letting himself lower his guard and be happy about it. He decided to focus on a bigger issue. “About that…”

“What is it?”

“I know Toushiro wants me to stay behind but… I think I have the better chance at defeating Aizen. But I… you… I wouldn’t want you to risk yourself if you feel that-”

“Ichigo-san,” Kisuke said, taking his hand between his. “Wherever you go, I shall follow. Together we will have better chances.”

“I won’t let you fight alone.”

 

With everything that had been building up within him, all the conflict, all the fears, Ichigo simply couldn’t keep everything down and he broke down crying.

With slow measured movements, Kisuke drew closer and wrapped his arms around the teen. He whispered soft platitudes, sweet nonsense into his ears, full of a forgiveness Ichigo hadn’t thought he deserved previously.

“I am so sorry,” he repeated. Rubbing soft circles into his back. “I am so sorry I wasn’t of help. But I won’t let you fight alone, this I swear. I’ll be with you each step of the way and I’ll make sure you come out of this alive. Together. Isn’t this what soulmates are for?”

 

Even if Ichigo was signing his death warrant with his own hands…

Maybe Kisuke would make sure he survived after all.

Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talking can solve so many problems, huh.  
> Isshin's issue should be addressed next chapter, this was already getting too long.  
> I don't have much content for the following chapter so it might take a while. Please don't push for updates, I'm starting an internship that takes up all of my energy, and while I do want to finish this story, I also have other writing priorities.
> 
> With that said, sorry for leaving on such a bad cliffhanger last time, and thanks for staying with me.


	10. Chapter 10

Kisuke was happy.

For once in his lifetime, his screw-up hadn’t been irreversible. For once, he had been able to fix his mistakes, his wrongdoings.

He looked down at his soulmate, resting against his side, against his heart. The man was asleep, tired after yet another day of training.

 

If only they could stay like this, until the end of times.

 

But alas, all romanticism aside, it was getting late, and Ichigo needed to get home before his sisters worried.

Ichigo had been staying late rather often, and while Kisuke had absolutely no trouble having his soulmate over, it sparked a certain doubt to mind.

Had Ichigo already spoken to Isshin?

He remembered the argument, the strangely strong words, the way Ichigo had been furious, and then sad.

 

As easy as breathing, Kisuke went down to their soulbond and politely knocked to get his soulmate’s attention.

“Time to wake up, Ichigo. You have to go home.”

Irritation, and a childish denial greeted him as the teen rose from a deep slumber.

He yawned and stretched against him before he said out loud, “oh, sorry. I didn’t know it was so late already.”

“It is no trouble.”

Ichigo rubbed his eyes and reluctantly separated himself. He got up and dusted himself off. “So, see you tomorrow?”

Kisuke cocked his head in thought. “Of course. But I would like to request a break from training, if you would be so kind.”

“Huh? What- why?”

He needed to be direct. Being vague, keeping everything to himself had already proven to be a great way of creating problems where they weren’t any. “Have you spoken to Isshin-san, yet?”

His brow crinkled, his guard rose. “Well, duh, we live in the same house why?”

“I suppose I just want to know if you’re ready to forgive him. Or should I say, are you open to the possibility, should he explain himself properly?”

“Wha-?” Before Kisuke rephrased himself, Ichigo had hunched over himself, jaw set and even his soulbond had begun to close down on him. So taken by surprise, Ichigo had relaxed abruptly. He looked away, embarrassed for some reason. “Well, I mean, I guess. If you put it like that. But it’s not like he’s going to explain anything to me.”

“Why not?”

“Because he hasn’t explained anything to me in fifteen years, why should he start now?”

Kisuke was silent, and then, wondering if he really was going to try saving that Shiba’s ass, he added. “Perhaps he didn’t know better, for those fifteen years. Nobody is saying that you have to forgive him. I know he has never been a role model for you. But I think that it would help your peace of mind, if you could try talking to him.”

His jaw clenched again, his fists too and Ichigo refused to meet his gaze.

Confused, Kisuke turned to his soulbond to try to discern a motive without missing a beat.

“Ah.” He said upon noticing the bundle of fear Ichigo was trying to hide. He stretched one arm and in no time he had the teen in his embrace. “You don’t have to do this alone; you know? You don’t have to do anything alone, not anymore. We can face everything together.”

Ichigo struggled against him, more of a token protest than anything else. With a sigh and a chuckle he gave up, as he asked. “Since when have you become such a sap?”

Kisuke feigned offense as best as he could with his nose buried in his neck. “You say that as if that wasn’t my biggest asset,”

“It’s fucking not, and you’re dumb, shut up.” Ichigo grumbled, even as he leaned back into his soulmate.

“So? Perhaps it is time to solve that conflict in your home, wouldn’t you agree?” Kisuke said, his voice low and somehow dangerous.

“Well, uh…” Ichigo hesitated. “In that case, could you come with me tomorrow? So- so I can try talking to my father?”

“Of course. Besides, he certainly can’t be scarier than Aizen. Right?”

Ichigo stilled.

“Sorry, I’m so sorry.” Kisuke said, pressing the teen close to him. Trying to give reassurance in the form of his arms wrapped tight around his body. “You’ll be fine, we’ll be fine.”

They’re silent for a moment, Ichigo’s hand blindly reaching for his own to grasp desperately.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll make sure of it.” Was all he said.

“But Ichigo, we’ll have to talk about this as well, soon enough.”

Ichigo didn’t ask what “this” was supposed to mean. “Since when have you been such a big fan of talking, Mr I-have-a-ton-of-secrets?”

He didn’t bite. “Since I discovered that the act of speaking– as terrifying as it is– is a thousand times better than shutting you out by omission, or misunderstanding.”

Ichigo shuffled, uncomfortable. “It wasn’t that big of a deal.”

“I hurt you.”

“Yeah, well, I hurt you first, so I think we’re even.”

“Not even close. But please don’t think less of me for worrying about this.”

“Think less of-?” Ichigo had turned around abruptly, ready to berate him and with a smile Kisuke pressed their foreheads together.

“I’ll be here. No matter what. Call me the moment you wake up if it makes you feel better and I’ll wait for you.”

“You don’t have to do this.” Ichigo tried, feeling a bit silly.

“But I want to.” Kisuke answered without missing a beat, finally soothing away the wrinkles of worry on his soulmate’s face.

“Thank you,” Ichigo finally mumbled, feeling as if his chest wasn’t caving in at the thought of his father any longer.

 

 

 

 

* * *

Isshin looked up as soon as the door opened, as Kisuke let himself in. The man rose from his work desk, an accusation ready on the tip of his tongue when his son stepped inside next, not quite meeting his eyes.

Isshin felt all the blood leaving his face.

“What’s this?” He said, standing like a cornered animal. The man was nervous, a muscle in his jaw twitching as he alternated from Kisuke to Ichigo. He huffed a laugh, “Are you here for round two?” Isshin opened his mouth again to continue with his tough act, but he was left without words.

Kisuke stepped aside and let Ichigo take the floor.

“No, I…” Ichigo began, still pointedly staring at his shoes. Isshin was unnaturally still as he waited for the final verdict. The final sentence. “I’m sorry. I was too harsh on you, pops. I… I mean, I said too much back then. You don’t deserve that. I’m sorry.”

“Wha… what are you-?” Isshin said, still pale, still confused. Still hurt. He laughed briefly, as a reflex. “Ichigo what’s this all about?”

Ichigo scowled at the floor. “What do you want me to say?”

“No, I mean… I didn’t- I wasn’t expecting you to…” The father cut himself off as he too looked at the floor briefly. He rubbed the back of his head. He looked small. Small and ashamed and regretful. “You just told me how you really feel. You shouldn’t apologize for that.”

“What the fuck, Goat-Face?” Ichigo said, a tad loudly for the confined space, Isshin actually flinched minutely. “I completely dragged you through the mud, and that’s all you’ve gotta say?”

Isshin smiled, “I don’t have any good excuse, Ichigo. I deserved-“

“No, shit. Shut up!” His son exclaimed, the righteous anger making him look up and stare into his eyes. “You don’t get to be all sad and mopey! I was angry, okay? I was very angry and scared and you… you were…” Ichigo flailed his hand in front of him, encompassing Isshin’s whole figure. “You were just too much at the moment.”

“What- did Kisuke tell you to say all of this?” He asked, arching an eyebrow and trying to stand his ground.

Kisuke frowned and opened his mouth to add something but the nervous teen shoved him back. “You stay out of this.” The blond man smiled indulgently and nodded his head.

“And you, you don’t get to drag K-Kisuke into this.” Ichigo said, trying not to flinch when Isshin’s eyebrows shot to his hairline at the way of addressing the older man.

To his credit, the man didn’t say anything other than, “you’re right, I’m sorry.”

Ichigo blinked dumbly as if he couldn’t quite believe his words, “wait, really? Just like that?” His father looked chastised after those words, so Ichigo hurried to add. “But, uh. Yes. Thank you.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence as they all wondered how to proceed from here. Ichigo still looked incredibly wound up, as if he had been expecting a fight.

Isshin noticed, and couldn’t help but sigh. “I really haven’t been a good father to you, have I?”

Ichigo pressed his lips together and didn’t answer.

“You’re right. I’ve never really been there for you. Not where it mattered. I just… I don’t know anything about parenting. Masaki… Masaki was the one who knew all this stuff. She was the one who-“

“Well, yeah, obviously. She was the perfect mom.” Ichigo cut him off, brusquely. He looked sad. “But she’s gone. She has been gone for the past six years. Don’t you think you could have stepped up your game at some point?”

“Neither of you seemed to need me. I thought… I thought it would be best to let you carry on your own. You all grow up so fast, do you know how many decades it takes for a Shinigami to grow out of his childhood?” The man said, messing up his hair, as he began to pace around. “And you little sprouts were growing so fast, that I thought… maybe they’re old enough to deal with it by themselves.”

“What the fuck kind of logic is that?”

“Well you never reached out to me.”

Ichigo looked offended. “I didn’t know how! I- you- you never offered either.”

“I should have.”

“A-and what’s with all the secrets?” Ichigo continued saying, face betraying the hurt of a nine-year-old boy who could see ghosts and whose mother had just been killed and it was _hisfaulhisfaulthisfault_. “Why didn’t you tell me, us? That you were a Shinigami? Wha- I- mom wouldn’t… mom wouldn’t have died if I had known what a hollow was.”

“We didn’t want to raise you as Shinigami. We wanted you to have normal childhoods, normal lives.” Isshin smiled sourly. “See how that plan went.”

“But even after, when Rukia came- when Fishbone got Karin why didn’t you intervene? Why didn’t you help us?”

The former captain of the Tenth bowed with guilt and grief. “I didn’t have my powers, Ichigo. I lost them, I lost them to save your mother. And there was nothing I could do. And I feared that if I showed my face to a Shinigami, they would take me away from you. I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving you alone, of letting you think you had been abandoned.”

“Why would they? And saved her from what?” Ichigo insisted. “Do you see? I know nothing about you! How do you expect me to trust you like this?!”

Isshin sighed. “You’re right. I’m sorry I didn’t realize…” He looked back into his son’s eyes. “Do you have time to listen to your old man talk about his past?”

Ichigo crossed his arms across his chest to hide his jittery hands. “And it better be good.”

“Kisuke do you mind lea-“

“No, he’s staying.” Ichigo cut him off, a hint of panic injecting into his voice. Isshin’s lips thinned but didn’t push the subject. Instead he went back to his desk and sat down, motioning for Ichigo to take a seat across him. Kisuke remained standing, bleeding with the shadows as best as he could.

Isshin looked at his son, really looked and felt sad that he hadn’t been there for him at all.

He cleared his throat, ordered his thoughts and said,

“I met your mother during a mission in the human world.”

 

Slowly, word by word, he crafted a tale of love, of sacrifice. Of how Kurosaki Masaki had saved his life. About her powers. About her family. About a whole another side of his lineage.

He told him of how Masaki had fought against Grand Fisher and ultimately lost the battle, but allowed Ichigo to survive.

He told him about how utterly humiliated and guilty he felt for being unable to help the love of his life.

He told him a lot of things, about his settlement in the human world, about his troubles to land a semi-legal job. About hiring qualified people to work at the office as he poured himself into medicine.

He doesn’t tell him everything. Ichigo’s not expecting that. The Shiba clan barely gets a mention, his squad is not talked about, but Ichigo’s just glad the man was at last being honest to him.

And then it’s Ichigo’s turn. The teen huffed and rebuffed him, fighting with himself to answer Isshin’s question.

And what finally gets to him is,

“Do you resent me for teaching you Mugetsu?”

Ichigo opened his mouth, closed it. He digs his nails into the flesh of his thighs. “Of course I do! You – you come in from _nowhere,_ looking like a Shinigami and wanting me to just sit quietly and listen to you when… Why did you have to act like such an asshole?”

“I didn’t take into account how you were feeling. And I’m extremely sorry for that. I don’t have any excuse. I’m sorry you had to be the strongest Shinigami, Ichigo. But I’m so proud of you for standing your ground and choosing to fight.”

It is still too soon for Ichigo to accept any kind of praise from him. Especially when it came to this subject. “Be honest with me. Would have I really had the choice to refuse?”

Isshin hesitated for a second too long as Ichigo looked away.

“We wouldn’t have…”

Ichigo had crossed his arms again, “whatever.”

“Hey, after this is over. Why don’t we go out for ice-cream? We’ll take the girls, and have some fun. How about it?”

Ichigo’s fists dug into his arms as he very resolutely tried not thinking about it. “Take the girls on your own!” He exclaimed, bolting to his feet and running off.

Kisuke separated from the wall, and made his way towards the door, but Isshin stopped him.

“Take care of him.” He said, tired and resigned.

Kisuke looked at him in silence before disappearing.

 

 

* * *

“Ichigo-san, are you quite alright?” Kisuke said, finally arriving to the fateful riverbank Ichigo had run off to.

Ichigo didn’t look away from the flowing water, arms around himself. “I’m just processing everything.”

“I see. Are you not satisfied with the answers you received?”

Ichigo pursed his lips. “I think I just need to process that he actually answered me, I…”

His eyes watered so abruptly, Ichigo flinched.

Kisuke sat down heavily next to him, eyes staring off into the distance.

“I’m just- I…” Ichigo stammered, trying to order his thoughts, his words. “It makes me wonder, if it had always been this easy. If-if things could have been better if I had had the balls to ask him before. If I…”

“You had no such obligation. You were a child. You _are_ a child. It is not your duty; it is not your mistake. And it does you no good to wallow in ‘has-been’s. I would know.”

Ichigo had the gall to push him softly. “Who you’re calling a kid.” With a pout and a sniff.

“Ah, yes, my apologies.” Kisuke said, but there was a laugh in his words. Ichigo managed a small smile his way before his frown came back with a vengeance.

“I’m sorry, I feel as if all I ever do is angst and cry.”

“You simply have a lot on your plate. I’m sure anyone else would be a sobbing mess by now. Or would have been long dead. I’d say you’re doing a fantastical job.”  The smile disappeared from his face, from his voice. “Ichigo-san, can we talk for a moment?”

“What’s wrong?”

“This technique you spoke of. This Mugetsu… is this what you’ve been worried about for so long?”

Ichigo froze.

“W-what?” Ichigo mumbled, trying not to sound too scared. “I… maybe.”

Kisuke noticed the hostility, the fear, the way their soulbond weakened.

The puzzle pieces fell into place, and his sudden clarity, ironically enough, blinded him to the bigger puzzle. The bigger problem.

“I have heard of it before.” Kisuke tried, hearing Ichigo gasp and tense by his side. “After you were born, when the seal on your parents broke, Isshin told me about this technique. He thought that if his powers returned in a timely manner, and if Aizen tried going after Karakura, or your family this was going to be his trump card.”

“…Why did he tell you this?” Ichigo whispered, wary and terrified.

“Because we were making contingency plans. Because we needed to be able to maneuver around each other. I needed to know how it worked, to know what I could do to maximize our chances at defeating Aizen.”

Ichigo began trembling rather violently. “So… wait, does that mean that you know…?”

“The repercussions of using this technique?” Kisuke finished, and closed his eyes briefly. “Yes I have been informed of this.”

Ichigo began to cry. He bit his cheek, he clenched his fists, and still the tears would not stop. This couldn’t be happening, he couldn’t possibly have known, right? All this time he had struggled to keep this terrible secret to himself and he just, _already knew?_ … But then, why wasn’t he angry? Or sad? Did he not care? Was he lying and just didn’t care about him at all? Was this what this was? And why had he suffered so much to keep it a secret then? What had he been expecting-?

“Ichigo-san.” Kisuke’s voice broke through his spiraling thoughts, and the nervous wreck turned to stare at him blankly. There was something like pity in his eyes and Ichigo hated him for it, briefly. “Ichigo-san, do calm down. This isn’t the end of the world.”

“Wha-?”

“Even if you lose your powers, you are still the same man. You are still my soulmate, and your strength does not determine your value as a person. I hope you wouldn’t have thought that me, or any of your friends would cast you out, if you lost your powers to Mugetsu.”

“What…” What are you talking about? Ichigo realized everything in a quick second, and the words he swallowed are probably his salvation.

Between one heartbeat and the next, sudden clarity overcomes him. Mugetsu wasn’t supposed to kill its user. Kisuke didn’t know that it was going to kill Ichigo.

Was he really this lucky?

Ichigo dropped his eyes to his lap.

Was he really going to lie to his soulmate about this?

Could he really?

“How can… how can I know you won’t hate me. When… If…” You’re going to hate me anyway when I die. Ichigo trailed off, tears still blurring his sight. Pathetic. He was so pathetic. “Would you… would you have hated me if you hadn’t known about Mugetsu beforehand? Would you have hated me for keeping it a secret?”

“Of course not. Of course not, Ichigo-san. I would never hate you. I would be mad, probably, but we’re both alive. And that’s what matters, in the end. If we’re all alive we can think of alternatives. I am sure that this is not a definitive future. I’m sure that there is a way of returning your powers to you, if-if you so wish. And even if not… why would that matter?” Kisuke frowned at him and that almost broke Ichigo into confessing everything. “Your worth is not defined by your strength or ability; you are a very precious person to me. You are a precious person to everyone you have met. So we’re going to fight Aizen together, and we will come out on top, like we always do. And then we’re going to restore your powers, or not. But I will stay by your side, no matter what. I’m not abandoning you.”

No you’re not. I’m the one who will leave you behind.

“If you really mean it. Then we should start working on our teamwork, don’t you think?” Ichigo managed to say, the words tearing his throat apart, the smile on his lips feeling brittle and fake.

When Kisuke gave him a warm smile and helped him up, Ichigo felt something within him shatter. He just hoped it would not fall yet.

 

* * *

They got back to the Shoten and he was possibly in shock, due to his monumental luck, and his sheer audacity at lying to his soulmate even now.

So he was a little out of it, while Kisuke conferred with Yoruichi, who brought up Rukia and Hisagi, being the obvious choice to have their first bonded fight.

And Ichigo didn’t zone back in until he found himself down in the underground training ground, face to face with two of his favorite Shinigami. Rukia was staring at him, with a mildly concerned phrase, but Kisuke’s request was enough to draw her attention to him.

“Wait, did I hear right?” She told her soulmate, surprised and excited in equal parts. She looked between Kisuke and Ichigo, “You want a demonstration of bonded fighting?”

“We would appreciate it, yes.” Kisuke replied mildly.

Rukia and Hisagi traded a heavy look.

“Okay,” Rukia said, a mischievous grin extending over her face. Behind her Hisagi rolled his eyes, smiling at his soulmate with fond exasperation. “We’ll give you a show of what bonded fighters can do.”

Their reiatsu spiked, but it wasn’t Rukia the one to press the trigger. Quiet, unassuming Hisagi drew his zanpakuto first as he mumbled, “draw your weapons. Try not to die.”

A whirlwind of ice exploded around them.

 

 

* * *

Kisuke had been the one to step forward and draw a red shield, to protect the both of them from the blizzard Rukia had tossed at them. But the one to clash blades with her was Ichigo.

“What the fuck, I’ve never seen you do that?” Ichigo demanded to know, his brow furrowing further at her impish grin. Cautious, he pushed her off and raised his guard. Just in time as Hisagi came down on him by his side.

Ichigo blocked the assault, wary of how ridiculously easy they were fighting when Hisagi smiled.

“San no mae,” he said. Ichigo’s heartbeat picked up, he had heard those words before, but wasn’t it- “Shirafune.”

He didn’t have time to think as an icicle began growing at a vertiginous rate from Hisagi’s sealed blade towards his eyes. Ichigo cursed, tried pushing Hisagi away, but the ice seemed to have a life of its own. Ichigo cursed again and in his haste to get away, he tripped which ended up being his saving grace.

Panting, he stared at Hisagi with a betrayed expression. “What the fuck?”

His words didn’t seem to impress his friend much, as Ichigo was quickly flung away with a beam of red kidou on his shoulder.

He crashed heavily into someone – _Kisuke–_ and he was already trying to sprint away as he watched the ground glow with Rukia’s voice, “some no mai.”

Kisuke actually hooked his arm around his, stopping him in his tracks, and chimed rather happily. “My, aren’t you getting too riled up?”

Seconds away from a beam of ice engulfing the both of them, Ichigo turned on him and said, “What the f-!”

Kisuke even twirled his blade once, before pointing it down. “Nake, Benihime!”

And the world exploded.

 

 

* * *

“You’re not even trying to connect as soulmates, are you?” Rukia berated the both of them as soon as the explosion dispersed.

“What does that even _mean_?” Ichigo demanded to know, irritated and nervous. He squinted. “Is that why Hisagi is using your attacks? Is that it?”

By his side, Kisuke smiled. “Indeed it is, I forget that you haven’t really seen a bonded fight.”

But Ichigo was no longer paying attention to any of them. He released a Getsuga Tenshou at Rukia, strong enough that it made Hisagi rush to her aid, when she made the mistake of using kidou instead of dodging the blast.

Meanwhile, Ichigo looked down at his chest, and muttered to himself. “Focus, focus… where is it?” His reiatsu fluctuated, growing thicker and thicker. A glimmer of Kisuke’s reiatsu. Benihime.

 _There_.

It was instinct what drove him to draw strength from there, feeling cool and foreign in his senses. This was Kisuke’s power, he was using Kisuke’s reiatsu he-

His vision doubled and he was seeing both his opponents and himself as if he had four eyes, and two weren’t attached to his body.

Ichigo swayed, Kisuke furrowed his brow, profoundly confused.

Out of someone’s eyes, Rukia lunged towards one of them, and Ichigo raised his blade and he was so disconcerted that he released an attack– only that it was red instead of black and it wasn’t his Zanpakuto nor his hand that had provoked it.

Suddenly he was repelled so strongly back into his body that he physically fell backwards, staring into the fake sky dazedly.

What the fuck.

 

* * *

“Be mindful of how much you’re trespassing.” Kisuke told him, after ducking in to save his soulmate from Hisagi’s deadly whirlwind.

Ichigo looked at him and tried to argue something back, when they were attacked from all sides. The ground glowed bright, the beginnings of a cyclone making it hard for them to step away from it. Kisuke frowned, and swung Benihime down, just like last time.

“Using the same attack twice in a row? Don’t they lack-” The words died on his lips as he realized something and Ichigo didn’t need anything more as they both took to the air– preferring to brave the winds than whatever was being conjured down below.

And just in time, because instead of ice, a gazillion blades shot out, alongside with chains that tried going after them.

Ichigo was already getting tired of these weird as hell attacks. “I’m trying again.” Ichigo told his soulmate as soon as they both reached safe grounds, before taking the plunge.

He found Kisuke again, but tried not launching himself into his soul. Kisuke involuntarily helped him by rejecting him as soon as they met– but now that Ichigo was trying to be less forceful, he continued trying until they could reach a calm middle ground-

Same that when Kisuke was threatened, he shut everyone else out and while he dodged, Ichigo found himself once more on his back, staring at the fake sky.

His left arm was frozen and he didn’t even know who had attacked him.

 

Ichigo was getting really annoyed, because he could sense that every fiber of Kisuke’s self wanted to reject Ichigo, no matter how little he imposed.

And since it was Ichigo the one trying, and Ichigo the one getting pushed back, it was of course only Ichigo who returned to his body, completely dazed and with even more injuries than before.

“I know this is hard,” Ichigo said, finding an easy opening so he could be back-to-back with Kisuke, as they fended off Hisagi’s relentless blades. “But fuck, give me a hand here. We need to work together for this.”

Kisuke was silent for a moment, then he said. “No, not today. This is more than enough.”

Which was the last warning all three of them had, before all hell broke loose.

 

 

* * *

“You do know that the point of having them spar with us is for us to learn to fight together, right?” Ichigo said mildly, even as he winced when Kisuke touched a particularly nasty gash on his shoulder, on his way to healing him.

Kisuke huffed, a wry smile playing on his lips. “I know.” He focused on making his hands glow green for a second before adding, “it’s been a while, since I’ve had to be taught how to fight. Please forgive this old heart of mine.”

Ichigo rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Although I guess it does say something that you alone could overpower them so easily. Remind me never to get you angry at me.”

Kisuke lowered his hand to rest on his shoulder. “I swear that won’t happen. Not again.”

And Ichigo should really know better by now, but still his heart did a stupid flip-flop and his cheeks felt warm. His chest felt warm.

His eyes watered.

The hand on his shoulder stiffened. “Ichigo-san?”

“Shit, um, sorry I’m just… a bit emotional.” Was he really so overcome with love he was going to cry? How old was he, fucking five?

Kisuke raised his hand, cupped his chin and made him look at him. He looked solemn and Ichigo was a hundred percent sure he had misinterpreted things again.

Which was oddly relieving, that his dumb emotions weren’t being broadcast by his soulbond.

“You do know that I don’t plan to abandon you, right?” Kisuke asked, silver eyes soft. “You’re stuck with me, Ichigo-san. And I promise you we will be able to fight together, as soulmates soon enough. I swore to you I wouldn’t abandon you. And I will swear again if I must, that I will fight alongside you. You won’t ever be alone.

Ichigo smiled.

(And perhaps, for the last time, he forgot about his impending demise.)

 

* * *

They called it a day.

It was almost humiliating, but Ichigo was tired enough not to care that Rukia and Hisagi had both watched him lose it, even if momentarily.

He just glowered darkly at each other as he got himself patched up. But when Rukia suggested dinner, and Hisagi promised to cook, he was perfectly happy to let his resentment go.

He should enjoy what little time he had left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uh. This chapter grew out of proportion, so I'm splitting it in two, or three. Depends how the end ties up.  
> I really shouldn't be writing this story but oh well.  
> Uhh, finally we have Isshin's reconciliation and they're finally learning how to fight together. What are your thoughts on this neat ability between soulmates? Like it, hate it?  
> Oh and also there is a New Problem ahead. Time is ticking by, will this misunderstanding be solved before it's too late?

**Author's Note:**

> I have about 4 or 5 chapters worth of content already written, this week I'm hella busy, but I will see if I can at least drop the second chapter soon since this is barely the introduction.  
> How have you liked this event so far? Also what do you expect out of this story?  
> Don't forget to drop a comment!


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